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Metal Angel

~ I remain, though dreams are shattered, forever awaiting the return of light…

Metal Angel

Category Archives: Random Tangents

Almost camp time again…

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Aurora in Creative Writing, Daily Drivel, Escape From Reality, Fun Stuff, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Randomness, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

creative writing, NaNoWriMo, writing

CNW_Participant

 

Yes it’s almost that time again…

I’ll be joining the usual list of suspects as a member of Silver Beaver Cabin for the third session of Camp NaNoWriMo in a row April 1st-30th of this year. Camp is a little more relaxed an affair than regular NaNoWriMo in November of each year. Not only can you set your own word count goal, but you can also choose to work on what inspires you whether it be fiction, non-fiction, screenplays, book covers, or illustrations. Being able to set your own goal, can also make it a good test run for people that want to attempt NaNo, without all the pressure of the 50k goal right from the beginning.

My project for this session of camp seems to be coming out quite differently than normal. I know my setting, and a rather detailed cast of characters, and I have a general idea of who they are and how they relate to one another. What is the issue then? I have no plot. To quote Chris Baty: “No plot, no problem.”

I am what we NaNoers like to call a “Pantser.”

I write entire novels by pulling them out of thin air as I go along. Rarely if ever, is anything I write planned in advance, except brief little snippets of scenes throughout the story I have foreseen ahead of time. The getting from point A to point B stuff is always an interesting feat for me. I’ve been known to skip or gloss over entire sections of novels to keep momentum getting to the next part when I don’t know what to write in between two sections. Loss of momentum, not just perfectionism is what kills many stories before they even see light of day.

That’s the point of NaNo, get it on paper, go back and fix it later…

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes…mistakes are what editing is for. You can’t be afraid of writing something that completely sucks in the beginning. Everyone, even a lot of famous authors are convinced that their first drafts are drivel. (and they usually are)

Get it on paper, save the fear and self loathing for this masochistic thing we like to call editing…that comes in December…or May…or August.

See you all at Camp! Someone better save me some smores!

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Just call me Linus

30 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, In Hindsight, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Rants

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, blanket, childhood, depression, family, memories, parenting, rants, trauma, unicorn, unicorn blanket, worry

Have you ever had something you loved so much as a child that it hurt you like crazy to lose it? Even now at 43 years old I’ve been sitting here wanting to cry my eyes out thinking about my favorite blanket.

It all started when I ran into this picture online, of a blanket just like the one I used to have. I got it for christmas as a kid, and throughout most of my life, it was my prized possession.

Unfortunately it was stolen several years ago, and ever since occasionally, especially when I am really stressed out, or sad I really start to miss it again. As I said before, it was my security blanket. For years and years it went with me everywhere I went or moved, and I never slept a night without it. Having it ripped away hurt more than it probably should, but I am sure almost all of us have at some point in our lives lost something that meant a great deal to us.

I’ve been searching for 10 years now for one like it to no avail. Every time I see a listing for one online, the item has already sold, and sometimes I wonder if I will ever have my blanket back. Well it won’t be MY blanket, but one sort of like it, and I know that. Just call me Linus. I know it wouldn’t be the same, but believe me getting one like it back again would make me feel a whole lot better.

Cross your fingers for me please….this search is far from over…

Playing Ketchup?

18 Sunday Aug 2013

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, children, disabled, family, ketchup, kids, life, marriage, NaNoWriMo, parenting, random, worry, writing

Yes I misspelled the title of today’s blog post on purpose…because I can.

Life still seems to be stuck in that same stressful holding pattern, of waiting for answers. It’s hard knowing things are out of your hands when it comes to what your family’s financial situation is going to be like for the foreseeable future. Sadly worry isn’t really getting me anywhere, or I’d be a millionaire from doing it by now.

It’s hard to find ideas for what to write about when I’m stressed. I remember a time when writing was my escape from it all. I wonder what’s changed?

I go days at a time without writing now, and then try to play catch up when I do write. Sometimes I may get interrupted half a dozen times trying to make one post by the baby, the hubby, or sometimes even the cat, thinking he needs to do the typing for me. I love my family, I really do, but sometimes I think that in order to get something resembling serious writing accomplished I am going to need to padlock myself in a room a few hours a day somewhere I don’t have the luxury of wi-fi.

One thing uncertainty has always given me is an urge to plan ahead. People who don’t know me are usually amazed at my ability to pack rat the necessities far ahead of when we need them. I’m not a hoarder, but I do believe in having some things set aside in advance of when you need them. You never know when there will be an unexpected emergency, or your kid will have a sudden overnight growth spurt.

When I didn’t know how our finances were going to change, the first thing I did was start trying to plan for Thor this winter. It’s hard enough to find little boys clothes around here on a good day, let alone coats or anything of that nature, so that was the first thing I went after, making sure he had two sizes worth of decent winter coats and footy pajamas to last him through winter this year. As long as he isn’t in a larger toddler size by spring I should hopefully have most of his clothes except pants covered for the winter. My friend Christie knitted him a nice warm hat, that thankfully he seems to love so far.

Boys jeans are proving to be harder than anything to find for some reason. Thor already wears a larger size in shirt than in pants anyway so “outfits” usually aren’t that good of an option unless the pieces can be worn separately. I really miss the old Garanimals section of the kids area of department stores, but none of the stores around here seem to carry them anymore.

The stores I have seen in my area are like a sea of little girls clothing, with hardly a rack of boys things in sight. This is precisely why when I actually run across decent boys clothing at yard sales, if I have the money, I clean the place out. Outside of underwear and shoes, I don’t think there’s much parents aren’t better off buying used for all the longer kids are going to wear it, well, unless it’s a nice outfit for a special occasion. The styles of girls clothing do tend to change frequently, but with boys, thankfully, people tend to stick with the classics, sports, trucks, dinosaurs, and super heroes, so they don’t seem to go out of fashion nearly as quickly.

It still puzzles me why people assume Thor is a girl, when I dress him up in tie dye though. I don’t get that at all …

People are just weird I guess…

Then again I’m rather odd myself, so I don’t know why any of that surprises me anymore. This post, like so many others is turning into a ramble, without that much of a central point. I guess I am writing just to write. I need to do more of that. It’s getting easier now that I’m finally doing it. Maybe that means if nothing else, at least this mission, for now, is accomplished.

Writer’s block

15 Wednesday May 2013

Posted by Aurora in Boredom, Creative Writing, Daily Drivel, Escape From Reality, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Technical Difficulties, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Boredom, imagination, NaNoWriMo, writer's block, writing

Yes this has been me as of late, well, minus the viking helmet. As much of a plan as I may have for one story or another, the words and sometimes the motivation seems to evaporate before I get it written down on paper.

When did writing become so hard? I remember a time when I was young and it used to be so easy. I used to have a million ideas, and I would wake up in the middle of the night and write all sorts of things that couldn’t wait until morning. I guess I have no idea where my enthusiasm went, probably drowned out by my now adult life, and my seemingly never ending ungodly stress level.

Sometimes I worry my writing won’t be good enough. No one close to me ever seems to want to read it anymore, not that they ever read it to begin with. I’ve had a printed copy of my second novel sitting here on the book shelf and year and a half now, and even my hubby hasn’t given it so much as a second glance.

Several years ago my friend Penny would have been standing next to my printer with her hands out waiting for the next chapter. She died from cancer a few years ago, and finishing a project since then is so much harder, especially without my one person fan club, and her encouragement. That’s one of only a very long list of things I still miss about her, and always will.

Penny didn’t just passively read what I had written, but loved to give me her input, encouraging things she believed would make what I had written even better. I think all of us need that sometimes. We need to hear not only what needs fixing, and what we can do to make improvements, but also what is good and going right. In other words, this is what works, and these are the things that would make it even better.

Sometimes I get so caught up in believing it all has to be perfect the first time, that it completely stops my momentum. I get discouraged believing no one will ever want to read it, no matter how much love and hard work I put into telling the story. I ask myself what I do it all for.

The answer is, it’s because I have to…

If the story doesn’t get told, it is wasted. What good are all the infinite worlds inside your head, if you are the only one that ever journeys into them? I keep trying to remind myself of these things, and keep edging forward, even if baby steps. I don’t want to believe I have an irretrievable imagination. Even if the old ideas won’t return, or seem childish now through older eyes, I hope I haven’t ceased to invent new ideas, new universes, and those that reside in them.

I don’t think my mind would be happy at all, limited to just one world.

Busy days

10 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Tangents, Taterbug, Writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

family, kids, life, motherhood, NaNoWriMo, parenting, pittsburgh, writing

Finally Smiling

Sorry for the little disappearing act, I seem to be good at those. This week was full of appointments and places to go. The good news is my insurance is letting me have the treatments for my back again, at least for a little while, so I am in a lot less pain now. I also finally got the correct lenses for my new glasses. They are taking some getting used to compared to the old pair, but so far they aren’t too bad.

We also went to the first meeting for our new writer’s group and amazingly there were three other people that came. The group is only going to meet once a month for now, on the first Thursday of the month at the Avalon library, but it’s a start. In other writing related news I signed up for the Camp NaNoWriMo for April, and hopefully will get some writing done. I am crossing my fingers but not holding my breath on that one.

Today we got a lot of housework done, and we rearranged our bedroom. My hubby did most of the heavy lifting part, but organizing is gonna take a little longer. There is at least a lot more room to move around in there now, and hopefully having the shelves of the changing table to arrange baby clothes on until we can get him his own dresser will help us out a little as far as storage space goes, seeing as he has definitely outgrown the little plastic drawer sets we were keeping them in before.

The hardest part of having roommates, is not really having enough room for everyone’s things in this house. John, Thor, and I share one small bedroom here, and somehow we have crammed into it, our queen sized bed, the crib, two book shelves, a changing table we are using as a dresser, a file cabinet that doubles as a nightstand and a laundry hamper.

Clutter annoys me to no end, but with a roommate that is a borderline hoarder, it’s staring me in the face no matter where I look here. I try really hard to make sure at least the areas I have control of stay as organized as they can be under the circumstances. I guess it’s just a side effect of coming from a family of packrats who rarely throw anything away. I can only look at the mess and clutter so long and it starts to drive me crazy anymore. I was an adult before I knew a house looking like that wasn’t normal, and now I get really embarrassed when anyone comes over and the house isn’t in order. Don’t get me wrong, the place doesn’t have to be spotless, just somewhat remotely clean and put together.

For a long time after the baby was born I wasn’t feeling well enough to do much of anything around here. If things are getting to me this much, I must be starting to feel better. I am tired of sitting around, I want to go places and do things. I want to talk to people, and see what there is to do around here. Maybe it’s just cabin fever talking, and I’m ready for it to warm up and winter to finally be over. I wanna get out of the house, take the baby with me and put some serious miles on that stroller.

Packages

22 Friday Feb 2013

Posted by Aurora in Boredom, Daily Drivel, Fun Stuff, Random Tangents, Taterbug

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

books, family, kids, life, motherhood, parenting

We seem to have gotten a lot of packages in the mail today that were waiting for us at our PO box. We rarely if ever have anything shipped directly to the house, mostly because we don’t want things walking off of our porch if we aren’t home when the mail arrives to get them right away. Ah the joys of living in the big city.

One of these packages was actually for me for a change, it contained a very much needed lightweight jacket. I have been lacking one since fall, since mine somehow vanished in the process of being prepped for the c-section back in October. This means I now have a jacket and a really hippieish looking multicolored sweater that I can wear now when its chilly out, but not cold. Yay!

Thor’s box of new stuff is always the biggest of the boxes. Today he got a new set of baby dishes with Pooh Bear on them, a cookie jar that looks like our beloved cat Poly, and last but not least, he got a new book!

One of the first things I did after opening the box was sit down to read the book, and it is a wonderfully adorable story about a kitty who loves his peace and quiet, almost as much as he loves his human. I can see this easily becoming a storytime favorite of ours. The story is simple enough for a little one to understand, but still a book even a small child learning to read on their own would love I think.

Thor turns four months old in a couple of days, and everyone knows what that means right? Cereal! I am gonna have to get pictures of this when it happens, but I still wanna double check with the doctor that it’s ok to start him on it first. That should be fun…

The sky is falling

17 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by Aurora in Boredom, Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Tangents, Taterbug

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

illness, kids, life, marriage, motherhood, parenting, sick, winter

It’s been an interesting last few days in the news. There’s nothing like rocks raining down from the sky to remind you of just how not in control of the universe you are. People being sick around here hasn’t done much for my sense of control or my confidence in things going remotely according to plan either.

John’s illness went from a bad cold to pneumonia, which thankfully he’s already finished the medicine for, and he seems to be improving even if slowly. The baby now has a cold, but so far seems to be doing ok. I am hoping I am not going to come down with this, and maybe this is just them catching the cold I had a couple of weeks ago. I am not holding my breath on this though. I really really don’t want another cold when I just got rid of the other.

Having to be the one doing all the shopping and errands is wearing me out badly. Thankfully the baby seems to be in fairly good spirits even with his cold, so that makes things easier than they could be otherwise. I would like to sit down and eat something resembling a full meal, or at least one that consists of more than a glass of milk, or a few bites of hummus or cottage cheese. I have no idea why, but the thought of green beans with butter and salt sounds so completely lovely right now. I must be delusional.

On the other hand…I could really use a fried egg sandwich with grape jelly too. Who’s bringing the waffles?

Technical Difficulties

06 Wednesday Apr 2011

Posted by Aurora in Complaint Department, In Hindsight, Random Tangents, Rants, Utter Randomness

≈ Leave a comment

Hello world, I am alive for the most part, my computer on the other hand was not. Over a hundred dollars, and a new hard drive later, I am back on the net again. It is true that sometimes I believe that computers have species memory, and are all destined to hate me and malfunction at any given opportunity.

The last month or so hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been hanging in there. Dad just had his testing this last week to see how well the chemo has been helping, hopefully when we get the results soon it will be good news. My more personal life has taken a tailspin again, but there isn’t much I can do but hope and try to do what I can to undo that matter, even if it seems kinda hopeless sometimes. Yes I know thats kind of vague, but it’s nothing the world needs to know about, not yet at least.

Not up to much today, wanting to get some shopping done, find something resembling food, and hope nothing decides to pull the fart and die routine. If I can detach a certain calico glue kitty from my lap, I may have a chance of getting some of those things accomplished.

Back in the land of the internet living…

12 Saturday Feb 2011

Posted by Aurora in Random Tangents, Rants, Utter Randomness

≈ Leave a comment

Being without internet for a few weeks made me realize just how dependent I had really become on it, mostly for communication with friends, and for entertainment. Of course I could always use the instant messenger programs over my phone, and even do the facebook thing had I wanted to, well with the exception of those slightly addictive games I seem to find myself wasting time on.

Without internet and television, I had to find a new way of spending my time, I visited the library, read my way clean through entire novels in a night or two, caught up on sleep, and lamented over housecleaning. Yes there’s a world beyond the internet, its a lot more boring, I must admit, but it’s there just the same.

I am back to working on writing projects with my friends, and mulling over rewrites of the novel in my head. I’ve also been interviewing for a job in a work at home type thing and had to do three straight days of unpaid training. Now it’s on to a pile of paperwork, background checks and waiting to see if I will be accepted for the position I am looking at, which looks like it will be challenging. Any work right now would be better than nothing.

On a more personal note, I guess it’s that time of year again. Boredom hits, it’s cold, and its dark so early in the evening. It’s so easy to sit here and what if myself away about things. What if something hadn’t happened? What if something had happened differently? I think it’s easy for me especially to fall into that way of thinking, its my nature, and it can be quite a trap for me to pull myself from. Who really does know where I would be? Not being able to change it for all we know could be a blessing. If we were able, how many of the blessings in our life would we lose along with what we thought was such a bad thing? Sometimes our darkest times lead us to the most wonderful places, and people.

It is hard sometimes to tell myself that this dark place I have been in this last two years is only temporary, and there is light at the end. It seems there is always another trial to endure, more tears to cry, another test of my resolve. People keep telling me that God will not give me more than I can handle, but some days have really tested that, and shaken me. Being alone and going through the hardest times, if nothing else teaches you who your friends really are, they are few, and mostly far away. Sometimes they feel imaginary.

Here I sit surrounded by ice and snow…it’s cold, it’s lonely, and sometimes it really sucks “hugging” a computer screen.

So pretty and grown up

17 Sunday Jan 2010

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Randomness, winnifrog

≈ Leave a comment

She’s not my little baby anymore…well she still is..but you know what I mean.

Whitney (January 2010)

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