Monthly Archives: December 2010

Hope I remember to forget

26 Sunday Dec 2010

Posted by in In Hindsight, Rants

≈ 2 Comments

Facebook is usually wonderful, I’ve connected with so many friends I’ve lost track of, and up to this point I haven’t had much negative happen on there. Tonight everything changed with the click of a picture my aunt had commented on, one that made me want to burst into tears and made me feel nine years old all over again.

It was nothing but someone’s seemingly happy family Christmas picture, that in itself was not the issue, the issue was with seeing the face of one of the men the picture depicted. This man did some horrible unspeakable things to me and several other little girls when I was a child. His mother, who was in the picture, still to this day does not know. Part of me loves her enough, that I wouldn’t wish her the pain of knowing this, even after all this time. The other half of me did all I could do to keep from calling him out as a pervert on his facebook page.

I know there is nothing to be done as far as I am concerned, too much time has passed to do anything about what happened back then to me. The part that worries me is wondering how many other children may have fallen victim to this happy and smiling child molestor, that as of Christmas day is still walking free…and no one seems to know this but me.

Advertisement

When it rains it pours

19 Sunday Dec 2010

Posted by in Complaint Department, Holiday Thoughts, Rants, Technical Difficulties, Utter Randomness

≈ 2 Comments

I think I’ve started and scrapped this post about half a dozen times trying to get my thoughts together. So much is going on right now that I don’t know how to handle, much less how I am going to cope with it all. Holidays have not been easy for me in a long time, and this year especially.

I started off this week being upset over the fact that I’m broke, as in too broke to get the kids presents broke, will be lucky to eat for the rest of the month broke. There’s no tree this year, I don’t even feel like having one honestly. I wish I could say this was the extent of what’s eating me this year, but it isn’t.

Three days ago we got the news that my dad has been diagnosed with liver cancer. We will find out after Wednesday just how advanced the cancer is, and what if anything they can do for him. I’m trying to stay optimistic, but most of the research I’ve done into the kind of cancer he has does not look promising, we will be fortunate if he makes it a few months to a year.

My parents are older, and somehow it seems I should have been prepared for this, but somehow at the same time, it seems as though they will always be there. I’m not ready to give up, I don’t want mom or dad to do it either. As much as I want to fall apart I’m wondering how much more I can cry this year before it never stops.

No idea whats wrong with me…

13 Monday Dec 2010

Posted by in Utter Randomness

≈ 1 Comment

Just not feeling like doing much the last couple of days. The weekend and spending time with my daughter was nice. I’ve been hiding inside and avoiding the cold and all the snow we’ve had outside. I don’t understand why I haven’t felt like doing anything. I got bored with the box of DVDs I got not long ago. I’m burned out on the writing project I’ve been doing with friends since July. Photoshop hasn’t been very entertaining either, which is very unusual. I haven’t gotten much more accomplished than rotting my brain on facebook and eating my way through a bag of doritos.

Getting the motivation to start the rewrite process on the novel I’ve been working on for over a year isn’t easy. The rough draft is finished, and has been since July, that part isn’t so much the issue. It’s been difficult for me to finish books for the last three years. I used to have a friend named Penny, she was my read along buddy. She was always standing hands out by the printer whenever I finished another chapter or two wanting to see what came next. Penny passed away from cancer three years ago. Writing has been hard ever since then without my one person cheering section behind me, pushing me forward. Maybe that sounds kind of silly, maybe some people will understand, I don’t know. Sometimes it just feels pointless writing stories that no one ever reads.

Debating…

10 Friday Dec 2010

Posted by in Utter Randomness

≈ 1 Comment

I’ve thought about importing some older blog posts here, but I’m not really sure that heaping around 5 years of blog on you all would exactly be the best thing, even though it would give me precious backups of some things I don’t have a second copy of online. What do you all think?

Where does time go?

09 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by in winnifrog

≈ Leave a comment

I sometimes foolishly wish I could have kept them small. My son is gone and my daughter is now 16. Adjusting to the changes and letting them go has been a hard thing for me, especially when she is here only here part time now. Mom is not coping well with the prematurely empty nest, but her new school has opportunities for her that the school here sadly does not offer. The schools in this city seem content to warehouse and use the special needs children for free labor, rather than attempt to give them a chance at something better. I refuse to believe all my daughter will be capable of is cleaning someone’s floor, or working for the local MRDD center making two dollars an hour, while they profit far more from her labor.

My daughter is high functioning autistic, and also has mild mental retardation. If you met her you likely would never know, were it not for the fact that she appears and acts several years to young for her true biological age. She communicates well, is very sweet natured, and has a kind and loving heart. I worry for her future sometimes, especially now that the schools, the social workers, her father and a host of other people all seem to have opinions about what they think is best for her.

The things people say upset me greatly sometimes. She is not broken, nor does she need to be trained. They almost make her sound like a puppy than a human being with their talk of training and punishment when she doesn’t meet their expectations of her. She has her own thoughts, and her own dreams, ones they seem intent to steal from her. She is worth more than the worker bee they seem to want to make her. They all talk about what they feel is best for her, but seem so blinded to listening to the things she wants for herself.

There is no reason she cannot have all the things she could ever dream and wish for. My daughter is a fighter, and so herself in ways most people cannot appreciate. Every day she has lived past the age of two years old is a miracle. I will always be blessed that God saw fit to give her back to me after we almost lost her.

I will keep on loving her, and keep fighting for her, it is all I can do…

Decisions decisions….

09 Thursday Dec 2010

Posted by in Utter Randomness

≈ 5 Comments

I think I may have changed theme yet another half a dozen times, waiting for something to dance. I use one for awhile, then no…have to choose another one. I’m resigned to the fact I may switch yet another dozen times again before I am completely happy with one.

I can be the same way with any of my writing projects, nothing is every finished. Things are always a work in progress until someone pulls the draft out of my hands kicking and screaming to read it. I over analyze everything, it’s just in my nature to be that way.

Weeding out the bugs…

08 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by in Utter Randomness

≈ 7 Comments

I’m already finding some bugs as I am trying to make posts. For some strange reason, the blog wont let me post a video off of youtube even though I have tried several times, and used the same coding as I used to post the same video to my other blog. Kinda scratching my head here. If there be bugs, I will find them!

Template Overload

08 Wednesday Dec 2010

Posted by in Utter Randomness

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , ,

It’s great that there are so many themes to choose from here, of all kinds and colors. Making a decision took ten times longer than making the blog itself. I know each and everyone one of us wants to have the blog suit us. With so many choices it was a hard decision, and finally I went with something simple. The most difficult thing of all, was that I wish there had been some way to sort through the themes according to color and the number of columns, instead of just having to flip back and forth between thirty plus pages one at time. Other than that everything seems wonderful, and whoever did all of this has amassed an amazing variety of options. This looks like it is going to be an awesome site.