Tag Archives: motherhood

Lacking Motivation

19 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by in Daily Drivel, Faith, In Hindsight, NaNoWriMo, Rants, Taterbug, winnifrog, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Writing seems to have gone by the wayside for me yet again. It’s not all that unusual for me to do this now that the weather is warming up. Lots of people are doing the July round of Camp NaNoWriMo, but I haven’t signed up this time, because I know I have far too much going on in my life at the moment to really commit to it. Between Thor’s busy schedule, and starting physical therapy next week that is far overdue, I know my days are going to be full.

Now that the weather is nicer, I am trying to make more of an effort to get out of the house. This new house is actually fairly nice, but I still find myself wanting to run back the the old and familiar, especially when anxiety is getting the best of me. I go back and forth between loving and hating it here sometimes because of it. I think it’s mostly the nowhere to go, and no one to really talk to thing that’s getting to me. It’s hard trying to find a place to fit in here. I’m starting to wonder how long that is going to take, considering I didn’t make a single real friend in the 3 years we lived in the last place. I guess I should be more optimistic that maybe it will be different here. Maybe…

As you can tell by the photo, the little guy is getting tall, as in really tall. He’s 40 inches in height already and about 35 pounds. It looks like he is going to be tall and lanky just like his daddy. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I will be very happy if the weight issues I have always struggled with will pass him by. He is a good healthy eater though, and will pick veggies to eat over just about anything. Bell peppers and ground turkey sloppy joes are about his favorite things in the world right now.


I still haven’t gotten word about Whitney’s court date yet, but that’s mostly because there is paperwork to finish, and then a another big game of hurry up and wait, when it comes to getting a hearing arranged. I am hoping and praying that my ex decides to skip this hearing as he has so many others that have taken place over the years. He’s never really been that involved with her growing up, but he unfortunately is the sort of person that would be vindictive at the hearing just to spite me. If he can find an opening and a knife to twist in the wound he will do it. He is an ex for so many reasons I really don’t want to get into here.

I’m so nervous over this guardianship hearing it’s got me on eggshells. I’ve been waiting so many years for this day to come, that I am beside myself worrying that something is going to screw it up. If I can just get her home than all this hoping and praying, and pain of the these last 7 years will be worth it.

7 years without your baby girl, that’s a hell of a long time to lose, with anyone, much less a piece of your heart, that’s been ripped away, and kept just out of reach for far too long…

Allergies and anxiety

29 Friday May 2015

Posted by in Complaint Department, Daily Drivel, In Hindsight, Taterbug

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

The cabin fever of winter has passed, but now I find myself sticking close to home for entirely new reasons. I seem to have moved into a town that is allergy central. Who knew? And to think I had been doing so well the last few years when I had lived in the big city. I should have realized with all these beautiful trees, and nice scenery comes lots and lots of pollen that is currently rearing its ugly head with me as we speak. Thor also apparently caught his first preschool related virus, without even leaving home. (which of course he has since passed on to me) He now has in-home head start three days a week, and thankfully he seems to enjoy it, even though he has warmed up to some of his 3 teachers, more than the others.

Thor especially seems to have developed quite an affection for “Miss Gena” the teacher that normally comes here on Monday mornings. Tuesdays he has speech lessons with “Miss Carrie”, and Thursdays he has regular in home preschool, but this time with “Miss Christie.” While Miss Gena has been very consistent with him since the beginning, Carrie and Christie are still relatively new to him, having only just replaced other teachers that had relocated and/or moved to different jobs. It does take Thor a little time to warm up to people. Even Gena had to wait several visits before he came out of his shell with her. I guess it would be hard for any kid to do well when the people teaching them are constantly coming and going. I’m hoping that this set of teachers will decide to stick it out, at least until he gets old enough to go to a regular head start class in the fall.

I still have a great deal of worry over the fact that his speech seems rather behind where it should be at his age. Gena has assured me time and again that, even though Thor doesn’t use words much, he is very bright for his age. I guess that’s what makes this whole speech delay all the more puzzling. Outside of his problems with speech, he’s already learning his colors, and can even do 24 pieces jigsaw puzzles by himself. He can’t say the names of most animals, but he does know them by the sounds they make. Owl and bird seem to be the exception to this rule at the moment. Kitties are “meow” and so forth. He now knows the difference between cats and dogs even if he doesn’t quite have a word or sound for dog yet.

This latest development came when we recently rescued an elderly female dachshund.Her owner had apparently been an elderly woman who lived alone, but very suddenly ended up in a rest home, unable to care for her. With the local humane society temporarily shuttered, this poor hound was pound bound. She is such a sweet dog, and so good with Thor and our cats that I couldn’t see letting her wind up somewhere she would probably have only quickly been put to sleep. At 11 years old she is quite healthy and active for a dog this age, but most shelters would have considered her too old to be adoptable.

Not all our animal adventures lately have been as fun. A bat decided to pay our house a visit a couple of weeks ago, and I must admit, I hid under a blanket and screamed like a girl while my husband and a nice police officer helped it back outside. No one is worse for the wear Thankfully it happened early enough in the evening that we were awake. It was pouring down rain that evening, so all we can figure is that the rain may have chased it inside when we went to let the dog out. We haven’t been able to find any other way it might have gotten in. Hopefully this will be an extremely isolated incident and not repeat itself. I hate bats. I can deal with them outdoors, but I want them to stay far far away from my house…please and thank you.

It’s just been another thing on top of everything else that’s had my nerves wound tight lately. My family has been fighting like cats and dogs since my grandmother passed away in February. It’s stressing me to the point I’ve had to go low contact for awhile with both sides. I can’t take all this bickering and fighting anymore. I just want to be happy, and as much as I’d like to have a couple of small things of hers to remember my grandmother by, putting myself in the middle of this to get it just doesn’t seem worth it. I am trying to do just what I know that she would tell me to do. I will love them all, but I don’t have to agree with them, or do what they do.

I’ve begun to wonder when life will not be such a roller coaster ride. I would love to be able to enjoy the beginning of summer and do all those other fun things I read about other families doing on facebook, or all those shiny parenting blogs I am always coming across. The shambles my life is, and how broke we are really only makes me feel like more of a failure sometimes.

Life is very lonely with no friends, or even family nearby, not that my family would be much if any comfort presently. (close and supportive they are not, nor have they ever been) Now that my grandmother is gone, I am feeling really lost. Honestly I don’t think I have ever in my life felt so alone. It’s especially hard that I didn’t get to say goodbye. My own family was too busy going at each other to make sure I could make it to the funeral. (the fighting has since only gotten worse…not that they have ever not been fighting my entire life)

I just want to be happy, I  want to get well from whatever bug preschool has drug in and do something, anything fun for a change. I want to have a fun summer the way that I used to. It doesn’t take expensive vacations, or even a non-existent beach or swimming pool. I miss having friends to hang around and do nothing with. I miss having places to go to just goof off for awhile and talk with people. It’s hard when you are barely making ends meet to even go out for a cup of coffee, much less think of other places people might be in walking distance of here. Going further than that takes a lot of time and quite a bit of planning here. You have no idea how I dream of being able to afford a car again, especially since moving here. Sadly our tv is broken, and there are a million other things that are even a higher priority for now when it comes to money and making sure the bills are paid. Hanging in here, don’t know how to do it any different.

Time flies

07 Sunday Dec 2014

Posted by in Complaint Department, Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Faith, Holiday Thoughts, In Hindsight, On the news, Rants, Taterbug, Winnifrog

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,


Here it is December again, and a lot has been happening since I haven’t been tap-taping away at the keys. Some of it has been good, and some bad, but at least I can say that life lately is a bit different than the last time I wrote on this here blog.

My mother in law had a serious fall and has been in and out of the hospital yet again, and is presently in a rehabilitation nursing home trying to get back her strength so she can hopefully be home by Christmas. Thankfully nothing was broken, but no one knows what has been causing these weak spells she has been having. They seem to come on quickly, only to resolve themselves before anyone can find a cause. I really wish she would come and stay with us, but mom is stubborn and doesn’t want to leave her home, much less Indiana. If that news were not enough, we also found out the cancer my husband’s aunt had a few years ago has returned, and unfortunately it seems to be already at stage 4, and the doctors are unsure how much they will be able to do to help her. John seems to be taking that bit of news about as well as can be expected for now.

As overwhelming as the hard news lately has been, the good news is that the closing finally happened on the new house, even if moving cost way, way more than we had ever anticipated that it would. In fact, the movers ended up charging us around five hundred dollars more than their original estimate, so needless to say, the last couple of months have been kind of lean around here budget wise while we try to gather the things we will need for the new house. I guess I can’t expect miracles in that department overnight.

Christmas looks to be equally lean this year. I was able to get all of the kids at least a little something, but probably nothing like I know kids are usually hoping for. I hope my older kids will be happy with clothes, paperback books and homemade necklaces. Thor seems to be the easy one to shop for, board books and a see n say, and a little toy truck. I also picked up a used toddler bed for him to use whenever we have the money to get his room finished enough for him to move into.

Thor’s room was one of our not so nice surprises after we moved in here. Not only had someone started ripping the wallpaper down and didn’t bother finishing it, but sometime between the inspection on the house and the closing they had also taken the time to remove the light fixture in that bedroom, and so now we have to buy a new one and find someone to help us install it. We have the light fixture we want spotted, and know what color we are eventually going to paint the room once the work is done, getting it finished is mostly a matter of having the money to purchase the materials and help we will need to make it happen. Unfortunately those things just don’t come cheap nowadays.


I know we have many plans for what we would like to do with the new house in the coming months, but we know much of what we would like to do cannot happen overnight. All we can do is make a list of what we would like to have done, and try to figure out which things are a priority, and which of them would just be something that would eventually be nice to have. For the moment the first thing on the list is to get that light fixture replaced, and to get Thor’s room finished so the hubby and I can finally have some much needed privacy and more room to do our own room the way we would eventually like it to be.

For now the plan for Thor’s room is to paint it a nice pretty Tardis blue to begin with. Eventually when time and money allows the hubby will be painting murals of a nighttime forest with owls in the trees on his bedroom walls. The ceiling eventually will also have glow in the dark stars. Eventually… I’d just be happy getting his room painted and done enough for him to actually move into before spring. It’s all just a matter of too many plans and not enough money to do it all right now.

For now, even a month after moving in, we are still unpacking slowly but surely, and trying to get the house the way we want it to be. We are also slowly but surely trying to learn our way around this new town, and where to find the things we need. Not knowing anyone is really the hardest part of moving somewhere new. I am hoping that once the weather warms up a little and we get settled in, that we will be able to go out and meet some new people. So far the neighbors seem nice, but just like most places nowadays, most people pretty much seem to keep to themselves. Maybe it’s just me, but it doesn’t seem to be nearly as easy to get to know anyone these days, maybe myself included. It doesn’t help that I’m rather shy around people I don’t know well, and I can tend to be quite a homebody.

For now we would like to wish you Blessed Holidays from our tiny town in middle of nowhere in Northwestern Pennsylvania. As for myself I will be trying to stay warm, and ride out the winter without turning into a mommysicile.

December has always been a hard time for me these last few years. Today marks the 3 year anniversary of the day my dad passed away, and two years since I lost my lifelong friend Sandy. It’s hard not to curl up and have a good cry, but I know that’s not what either of them would have wanted. Maybe it’s ok to be sad, as long as I don’t forget all the good that is still here. Some days that is easier said than done.

Thor’s Second Birthday

25 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by in Fun Stuff, Taterbug

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Thor just turned 2 years old today, and it seems like it all has gone by way too fast. He has so much energy, and such a big personality. He is sweet and playful, and already quite creative in his own way. Everything is an adventure for him, whether it is running away with daddy’s drumsticks, or reading the same picture book for the tenth time that day. He loves owls and cats, but his favorite thing in the world always has been and still seems to be music. He is my little ray of sunshine.

Ugga-mugga little man, stay this sweet and little just a little while longer, please.

Where does time go?

Busy Summer

21 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, In Hindsight, Random Thoughts, Rants, Taterbug, Technical Difficulties

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Yes I know, I haven’t been around to post much of anything lately. The blog has been far from my mind most of the summer this year, because there has been so much going on offline.

For starters there has been a little progress on our housing situation. For now we are still right in the same apartment we have been in all along, sans roommate. Unfortunately, this means even more behind financially than we were before, even if things are a lot more peaceful, or as peaceful as things can be with a wound up toddler in the house. Hopefully within the next month we will be able to close on the house my mother in law has been buying for us to rent from her. Even as I write this, I am still thinking of the events of these last couple of weeks, especially thankful, because it all came very close to never being able to happen at all.

We first went to see this house back in June, after having been outbid at the last second on another, something that had me crying my eyes out for days, I must admit. I had really loved that house, I mean REALLY. I guess looking back now, if it would have really been meant to be our house, that wouldn’t have happened. After a few days we went back to the drawing board, and started looking for something else, and a few weeks later the realtor had a house to show us that had just been put on the market, so we went up to look at it.

I was trying really hard not to get my hopes up this time, even as I walked through what turned out to be an absolutely gorgeous house. We talked it over not long, before my mother in law decided to make an offer on it, before we even left the town where the house is located that afternoon. After that began the very very long process of trying to get everything finalized with the bank. The bank is being slower than molasses in a snowstorm.  I realize that banks are more cautious about who they give home loans to nowadays but I think this bank is taking the cake on how many verifications they claim they need. They even made mom file the paperwork all over again, because it had been over 6 months since she had first applied for the mortgage, even though it’s because of their being slow, not anything we haven’t done.

All along I have been hoping and praying that nothing would derail all this, and that we would finally be in a home we could afford, and have a little room to breathe. Imagine if you will our horror last month when we saw a mysterious phone call from my husband’s uncle on our caller ID. Most people wouldn’t consider this unusual, except for the fact that he never ever calls us. Unable to reach John’s mom, we called the number back, and got no answer. By this time we were really freaking out.

It wasn’t until an hour or so later that we finally got a phone call explaining to us what was going on and confirming at least some of our fears. John’s mom had suffered a massive heart attack early that morning, but in true Mama style, hadn’t wanted to worry us. She had already gone through surgery, and had forbidden anyone to call us, because she wanted us to hear about what had happened from her. She has since been released from the hospital and so far seems to be doing better, even if the doctors say she may need another surgery in the coming months, to prevent her heart from having further problems, just as a precautionary measure. This whole heart attack thing came completely out of the blue, Mama had no known history of heart disease, and up until this point had been reasonably spry even for being 82.

Ever since all this happened, I have been on pins and needles over this, and so many other things. It’s not just because I am worried about mom, or that I know just how close we came to our dream over this house suddenly not happening. I know as well as John does, if something had happened to her, we’d be homeless and on the street in a matter of weeks, with nowhere to go. Part of me is going to be scared to death over all this until the keys to the house are in my hand, and we’ve finished moving in. Is it wrong of me to just want a stable place for Thor to grow up, where we can afford to live without mom having to help us cover our bills for the month? Like it or not, we just can’t afford to live where we are living now much longer. We’re sinking fast here.

For now all we can do is stay busy, and do the best we can, about the things we can control, lord knows there is more than enough that we have no control over lately. We can’t make this bank thing go any faster, any more than we can make money we need all too badly appear out of thin air.

Thor enjoys walks, so we take him on a lot of walks, and trips to the park, one thing that at least for now, is an activity we can do within walking distance of the house that won’t make us break the bank trying to afford bus fare. He loves to take actual walks around the block in the evening now, and not just stroller rides. Of course, we have a harness for him, to make sure he stays safe, while it lets him walk all on his own, just the way he likes it. That would be the little turtle backpack looking thing you may have already seen in the photos posted here. Believe it or not, he really does enjoy wearing it, and actually gets excited about putting it on, because he knows when he does, it means he has a bye bye coming.

His favorite thing on trips to the park, or on walks is to find himself a nice stick to carry around with him. Occasionally he stops, and tries to draw on the ground using said stick. Sometimes I wish I could still be as thrilled about the little things as he often seems to be. Sometimes, watching him, I can almost remember what it was like to be small, and have every day be such an adventure. I try to remember some of the things that used to make me happy. Thor now loves many of those same things, even if he is very different, and loves things that are quite uniquely his own style. Maybe someday I’ll once again get as excited about Mister Rogers, sticks and empty laundry baskets. Well, I still do love Mister Rogers as much as I always have , so I guess one of of three ain’t bad.

Hope and fear

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Complaint Department, Rants, Winnifrog

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Optimism is hard for me, the last few years especially, when it comes to dealing with the ongoing situation with my daughter. I’ve wanted nothing more than to have her home, and I make sure I tell her frequently. Unfortunately every time I thought there was a ghost of a chance of it actually happening, I’ve pretty much had my hopes dashed to pieces.

There is another hearing coming up next week. I feel an obligation to be there, but part of me is also nearly paralyzed by knowing that my efforts would be all but futile. Deep inside I know that the outcome would be the same in my presence or without it. It’s as much my own state of mind that I am worried for. Should I go and go through the motions and attend a hearing that has already all but been decided, or should I just stay away and let them do the inevitable without me?

Is there hope of this ending any other way?

Should I really be spending a couple of hundred dollars we don’t really have right now for bus tickets and hotel rooms, when I know almost for sure that I will be coming back home alone with nothing to show for it but depression it may take weeks to shake myself out of?

Would I be a horrible person and mother if I just threw my hands up in the air and told them all that I just can’t do this?

Is it time to let my daughter go, and hope she will be happy with whatever life they can help her build for herself? All I can do is keep reminding her that my door is always open, and she always has a place here, even if the decisions on her future are out of my hands.

Damn this is hard…

It’s *bleeping* cold outside!

08 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by in Complaint Department, Rants

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

This is the second day here with below 0 temperatures. Needless to say we haven’t left the house. (except for when John took the trash out to the curb, just in case by some miracle they do decide to collect it in the morning) It is a little boring here with not much to do but the internet, and frustrating dealing with a stir crazy baby who very badly wants his daily bye bye, and doesn’t understand why he can’t have it.

I’m also frustrated with not being able to work on my novel. It isn’t a matter of lacking ideas this time, but more just not having quiet time to work on it before I’m too exhausted at night to think clearly. My computer unfortunately sits in the middle of the living room in front of the fireplace mantel, the only place in the whole apartment there was room to put it. It’s good that I have a desk, and a computer, but it makes it extremely difficult to work without distraction when I am stuck out here right in the middle of it all.

Before I would always write when my daughter was in school, and my desk was usually set up in my bedroom, or off in a quiet room away from the main room. I don’t work well with noise or with people moving around nearby, and especially don’t work well with people peering over my shoulder.

I miss having a laptop to work on, at least then I’d have the possibility of going in my room and shutting the door for awhile, even if trying to work from bed hurts my back something awful after awhile. Then again, I know what would happen. I’d get settled in, and finally be making progress, and BAM…they’d just follow me in there.

Sometimes I wonder how I am going to hold on until spring. Our search for a new apartment is still going dismally. Even applying anywhere is expensive, and we recently lost $120 in application fees only to be turned down yet again, even with my mother in law willing to co-sign.

Staying positive is really hard right now. It’s especially hard when you can’t even get something basic like an affordable place for your family to live. I worry about even the rent here going up to more than we can afford even with the roommate. My nerves are wound so tight I’m barely sleeping sometimes, and when I do I’m getting a lot of nightmares. I haven’t been able to eat properly in months now for a lot of the same reasons.

I wish I had a way of knowing that it would all be alright, but I don’t. I’m doing what I can but no one is going to beat a path to our door to help us. It’s no wonder that so many disabled people end up on the streets. If you are under 62 years old, there is no help with housing available, period, end of story. If the waiting list for help isn’t closed, it is over 10 years long.

It’s hard to write here without complaining, mainly because this is the only place in the world I have to vent.

I can’t wave a magic wand and make myself well, or John not deaf anymore, so what hope is there of our situation getting better short of a miracle? I wish I knew, I really wish I knew.

A mommy question

29 Sunday Dec 2013

Posted by in Daily Drivel, Taterbug

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

I don’t usually go asking for “mommy advice.” This being my 4th child, I am usually not surprised by much, but as he’s gotten older, and now toward the toddler stage, Thor seems to be determined to be a horse of a different color, even more so than he has been all along.

To clarify, my son is very much a creature of habit, he has never, since birth, been a big fan of change. This extends not only to his routine, but other things like his toys, what music he finds comforting, and other things. Maybe you get the picture.

When things upset his “routine” or he is feeling insecure it’s not a happy time around here until he is secure again. Usually the thing that upsets him the most in that regard, are his immunizations. Usually those can throw him for a loop, and it seems we get him settled down, only for it to soon be time for the next set.

Eating is where we are having a lot of the problems I haven’t run into before. He doesn’t seem to want to transition to table food, even though he has been plenty old enough for awhile now. The texture of table food seems to bother him. He absolutely refuses to eat anything that isn’t the consistency of “baby food. If something is thicker, or the least big chunky, he will flatly refuse to eat it. Not even mashed potatoes please him.

John and I always offer him bites of what we are eating, but it is rare that he will try one bite, if at all, even if he otherwise seems to be hungry. I know part of the issue may be that he still only has only his four front teeth, and even biting is a new thing for him.

The only table foods he doesn’t seem to mind so far are vanilla yogurt, plain hummus, pita bread and pita chips. I have no idea how to get him to eat a wider variety beyond what he is already eating table food wise, except offering him tastes of our dinner as we already are. Meanwhile we are still making sure he gets the baby foods he will eat, and making sure he gets a bit of formula every day along with the whole milk until he is eating enough to make sure he doesn’t get anemic. He’s not quite capable of chewing meat yet with just 4 teeth I think.

He’s not picky about food, except when it comes to texture. He eats almost anything jarred we sit in front of him, and so far only has one mild food allergy. (apples)

I am kind of stumped as to how to approach this. All of my older kids were off baby food and eating table food just fine by the first birthday. I have no idea what the hangup may be here, other than he seems to have far less teeth than they did at the same age.

Thinking Turkey Thoughts

28 Thursday Nov 2013

Posted by in Complaint Department, Holiday Thoughts, Rants

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

 

Holidays aren’t easy for me. I know that statement will be hard to explain to some people. Life hasn’t been easy for a long time, years now, even decades. I was a child the last time I really have good memories to look back on, even related to holidays.

I know some people joke about wondering how long it will take during the holidays for the police to be called, but in my family it’s a distinct possibility. The last time I remember spending Christmas with my family two fights broke out, and that was just christmas eve. I haven’t eaten a thanksgiving dinner I haven’t cooked myself in so many years that I can’t even remember when the last one I ate with my family was. I do however remember it was horrible and not much worth writing about food wise.

Being just me and my oldest daughter for years on the holidays, I never did the whole big turkey and all that, not that I ever could have afforded to anyway. Usually Thanksgiving for us meant pork chops and stuffing with mashed potatoes at home, and eating in front of the tv still in our pajamas. It was always just the two of us, or at least on most years.

Last year I think I made a half-effort at making a little bit of turkey, but not a whole one. It came out mostly ok, even if the veggies ended up a shriveled mess and not exactly edible. Cue this year’s second attempt, which I will be trying in a crock pot instead of the oven, because the oven will be occupied by my roommate’s god awful tofurkey. Just the thought of tofurkey makes me shudder with revulsion.

Holidays are hard, and the funk they leave me in is hard to shake myself from. All I usually end up thinking of is how much I envy people with close and loving families, and how I’d give almost anything to be part of a family like that. Yes, I have a husband and kids, and memories to build there, but thinking of the past and the mess that is the rest of my family, still hurts to no end, and probably always will. I see how it is even affecting my kids now and it upsets me so badly I could scream. Three generations of this family have been completely ruined by all this dysfunction and drama my mother and aunt just can’t seem to bury the hatchet over.

I really hope someone brings my grandmother dinner tomorrow, I would if I had a car, and weren’t so far away. I hate the thought of her sitting in that house all alone, especially with this being the first Thanksgiving that my grandfather has been gone. I worry a lot for her now, but there’s only so much I can do living an entire state away. The rest of the family is too busy not speaking to one another to really care I think, as they have been every year for who knows how long. All I can do is call grandma tomorrow, and at least let her know she hasn’t been forgotten.

Turkey is all well and good, but what I’d really love to have someday is a family that acts like a family, at least long enough to make it through dinner.

Am I wrong to just keep wishing?

 

Hearing myself think

17 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by in Complaint Department, Rants, Taterbug

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

, , , , , ,

The after shot crabbiness is still in full swing. The swelling on his leg from the shot is going down, and all the other symptoms seem to have vanished but this fussiness. He was like this for awhile after last time, and I can’t remember how long it took to clear up then. I just hope it goes away soon. My nerves are frazzled.

It seems any little thing can send him into a crying spell, putting him down for even a second, walking out of the room, me trying to eat anything, all of them seem to induce tantrums. It’s all John and I can do to keep him in a good mood even for a few minutes at a time. We can’t even have a conversation when he is fussing because John’s hearing is too bad for him to hear anything over him.cartoon_baby

I know as much as we parents love our kids to pieces, it’s days like these last few days that really put our patience and sanity to the test. Sometimes nothing you do seems to work, or only works for a minute and you are back to square one all over again. His diaper is clean and dry, he’s been fed, he’s being held, what more could he want? We seem to keep going in the same circles over and over again trying to figure it out.

I can’t even come close to pretending I am one of those people with those perfect looking lives you see on a lot of parenting blogs, I won’t even pretend to be. I get frustrated and frazzled with the best of people with motherhood on days like today. But I also love my son more than anything, and that alone, is what makes all this worth it.

I know better days are coming…please come soon…

Tomorrow would be nice…