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Metal Angel

~ I remain, though dreams are shattered, forever awaiting the return of light…

Metal Angel

Tag Archives: grandparents

Thinking Turkey Thoughts

28 Thursday Nov 2013

Posted by Aurora in Complaint Department, Holiday Thoughts, Rants

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Tags

depression, family, grandparents, holidays, kids, life, loneliness, motherhood, parenting, rants, thanksgiving, thoughts

 

Holidays aren’t easy for me. I know that statement will be hard to explain to some people. Life hasn’t been easy for a long time, years now, even decades. I was a child the last time I really have good memories to look back on, even related to holidays.

I know some people joke about wondering how long it will take during the holidays for the police to be called, but in my family it’s a distinct possibility. The last time I remember spending Christmas with my family two fights broke out, and that was just christmas eve. I haven’t eaten a thanksgiving dinner I haven’t cooked myself in so many years that I can’t even remember when the last one I ate with my family was. I do however remember it was horrible and not much worth writing about food wise.

Being just me and my oldest daughter for years on the holidays, I never did the whole big turkey and all that, not that I ever could have afforded to anyway. Usually Thanksgiving for us meant pork chops and stuffing with mashed potatoes at home, and eating in front of the tv still in our pajamas. It was always just the two of us, or at least on most years.

Last year I think I made a half-effort at making a little bit of turkey, but not a whole one. It came out mostly ok, even if the veggies ended up a shriveled mess and not exactly edible. Cue this year’s second attempt, which I will be trying in a crock pot instead of the oven, because the oven will be occupied by my roommate’s god awful tofurkey. Just the thought of tofurkey makes me shudder with revulsion.

Holidays are hard, and the funk they leave me in is hard to shake myself from. All I usually end up thinking of is how much I envy people with close and loving families, and how I’d give almost anything to be part of a family like that. Yes, I have a husband and kids, and memories to build there, but thinking of the past and the mess that is the rest of my family, still hurts to no end, and probably always will. I see how it is even affecting my kids now and it upsets me so badly I could scream. Three generations of this family have been completely ruined by all this dysfunction and drama my mother and aunt just can’t seem to bury the hatchet over.

I really hope someone brings my grandmother dinner tomorrow, I would if I had a car, and weren’t so far away. I hate the thought of her sitting in that house all alone, especially with this being the first Thanksgiving that my grandfather has been gone. I worry a lot for her now, but there’s only so much I can do living an entire state away. The rest of the family is too busy not speaking to one another to really care I think, as they have been every year for who knows how long. All I can do is call grandma tomorrow, and at least let her know she hasn’t been forgotten.

Turkey is all well and good, but what I’d really love to have someday is a family that acts like a family, at least long enough to make it through dinner.

Am I wrong to just keep wishing?

 

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Still can’t believe he’s gone

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by Aurora in Holiday Thoughts, In Hindsight

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

family, grandparents, grief, loss, memorial

My Grandpa

It always seemed growing up that grandpa was too ornery and stubborn to die…

I remember the grandpa who was strong as an ox. He loved to work on antique cars, talk on his CB radio, and always seemed to have time to work in the garden, or do repairs on the house. He was funny, kind and had rambunctious sense of humor, but knew well the time for comedy, and when the moment had come to be serious. He kept us in line, and there was never any questioning where he stood, or what he expected of you.

He’d been sick on and off for a long time, but each time before he seemed to have risen to the challenge. Grandpa was a fighter, who overcame both cancer and heart problems on countless occasions. Even while his health grew weaker, his strong personality never faltered. He was still as ornery, cantankerous and quick to laugh as he ever was.

Above all else, grandpa was determined to stay in his own home, and deal with his illness on his own terms. Thankfully with grandma at his side he got his wish. He passed away peacefully the morning of New Years Day at home, right where he wanted to be.

It all still just doesn’t seem real somehow. I am still half expecting to get there and see him sitting in his chair eating his favorite candy. If he saw me crying he’d be telling jokes and teasing me, just to get me to laugh again. That’s just who he was, so quick to laugh, and he wouldn’t want me to remember him with tears.

I’m trying grandpa, I’m really trying…

Is love only for the young?

16 Monday Jun 2008

Posted by Aurora in On the news, Randomness

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Tags

elderly, family, grandparents, life, love, news, romance, sociology, thoughts

When I first read This story I couldn’t help but in a way be reminded of the days my grandmother spent in a nursing home before her death. She had a special gentleman friend there named Carl, and while the nature of their friendship was and is still none of my business, I was actually glad that she had found someone. It makes me sad to read what happened to the couple in this story. God willing I should live that long, I hope my children don’t take it upon themselves to treat me like a child the way that man’s son is doing his father.

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