Being without internet for a few weeks made me realize just how dependent I had really become on it, mostly for communication with friends, and for entertainment. Of course I could always use the instant messenger programs over my phone, and even do the facebook thing had I wanted to, well with the exception of those slightly addictive games I seem to find myself wasting time on.

Without internet and television, I had to find a new way of spending my time, I visited the library, read my way clean through entire novels in a night or two, caught up on sleep, and lamented over housecleaning. Yes there’s a world beyond the internet, its a lot more boring, I must admit, but it’s there just the same.

I am back to working on writing projects with my friends, and mulling over rewrites of the novel in my head. I’ve also been interviewing for a job in a work at home type thing and had to do three straight days of unpaid training. Now it’s on to a pile of paperwork, background checks and waiting to see if I will be accepted for the position I am looking at, which looks like it will be challenging. Any work right now would be better than nothing.

On a more personal note, I guess it’s that time of year again. Boredom hits, it’s cold, and its dark so early in the evening. It’s so easy to sit here and what if myself away about things. What if something hadn’t happened? What if something had happened differently? I think it’s easy for me especially to fall into that way of thinking, its my nature, and it can be quite a trap for me to pull myself from. Who really does know where I would be? Not being able to change it for all we know could be a blessing. If we were able, how many of the blessings in our life would we lose along with what we thought was such a bad thing? Sometimes our darkest times lead us to the most wonderful places, and people.

It is hard sometimes to tell myself that this dark place I have been in this last two years is only temporary, and there is light at the end. It seems there is always another trial to endure, more tears to cry, another test of my resolve. People keep telling me that God will not give me more than I can handle, but some days have really tested that, and shaken me. Being alone and going through the hardest times, if nothing else teaches you who your friends really are, they are few, and mostly far away. Sometimes they feel imaginary.

Here I sit surrounded by ice and snow…it’s cold, it’s lonely, and sometimes it really sucks “hugging” a computer screen.