It’s now a week and a half with no heat in the house, and for the most part it’s been bearable with the two little space heaters, one in the bedroom where I keep the computer and one in the bath. Hopefully the furnace will come in tomorrow and be installed before the holiday begins, or I may have to wait until at least Monday for the next chance.

My daughter gave me her Christmas list, and as usual lots of things I cannot afford this year. She is 16 and has the usual teenage girl tastes in things, flashy expensive gadgets and nice clothes. At the moment I can barely afford to keep the bills paid, let alone afford any sort of presents close to that. One friend has helped make sure there will be at least a couple of things, but not nearly as grand as she has been used to in past years.

We don’t qualify for toys for tots or any of those things this year, as she only lives here part time, and is too old now anyway. I am sure there are lots of parents out there in this economy in my position, and I probably don’t have much of a right to complain about anything, but just one year I would like to have gifts that are nice for her under the tree that are actually from me, and not from a generous friend or donations.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, there is no meal planned, no one is coming to visit, and I am most likely not going anywhere. Those of you who are close to family, or have friends to celebrate, please be thankful and know how lucky you truly are. Some of us just sit and write stories about the holidays we wish we could have had, and maybe should have had.

Somewhere in some world in some dimension, there will be a Christmas tree put up tomorrow with so many colored lights that it shines like a lighthouse, people will sing…and at least in my mind, I won’t be alone.

I tend to be a serial information junkie when I find a subject fascinating enough, though often my thoughts can drift off on quite a bunny trailing tangent from what I had intended to research. Take yesterday for instance. I started off looking for pictures of an old opera house here in town, which I have been unsuccessful in finding any photos or information on for quite some time. There were however lots of photos of the much more well know Palace Theater here, which has been beautifully preserved, and on which there is no shortage of photos and information.

The point being is, I have always had a fascination with the past and the obscure. I find it sad to look at old photographs and see all that small minded people in this area have left to pass into ruin, or demolished in the name of progress. Yesterday my opera house bunny trail lead me to pictures of the old Paramount theater in Toledo, Ohio. The photographs of what the building had once been like made me want to cry to read that the place was demolished before I was even born.

Sometimes I’m not so sure that so called progress is such a good thing. Is the loss of history really worth more downtown parking space, an office tower, or another big box store? In the day of cheap and pre-manufactured, everything seems to lack the beauty and attention to detail that is taken for granted until it is lost. Are we doomed to a world of cookie cutter suburbs, steel and glass office buildings, parking lots and crumbling ruins of what little does remain?

For someone from a grey and empty neighborhood that very little now remains of, walking into that theater would have been like visiting a palace, that old school that was demolished for a department store, much the same. It seems all that will soon be left of our history is a stack of photographs of things it would have been incredible to see anywhere but google. Very sad….

So loving this song, then again usually do love anything Mariusz Duda writes….

One hour and two Dr. Peppers ago…

Sometimes change is good. From time to time I believe everyone feels the need for a do-over, and a chance to start fresh, and this is mine. I am just another anonymous face on the internet, names have been changed to protect the innocent, and much caffeine has already been consumed. I struggle with self-doubt at my future reliability as a poster, I have not blogged regularly on any consistent basis in quite a long time. Truthfully I don’t know why I ever stopped.

I remember my Bravejournal days years ago. It was easy to blog when there was a sense of community, one that seemed truly lost with the custom new website, domain name and flashy new blog. Gone were the days of tuning in to see what everyone on my friends list had posted, and arrived the days of watching my readers drop to a trickle, and the sad fact that I had not that much interesting to say anymore without people to converse with.

I miss posting my odd little stories and someone I don’t even know stumbling upon them. I miss hitting the next blog button and whiling away hours of boredom, and seeing so many seemingly happy families, yummy looking recipies and crafts that make me feel like a Martha Stewart dropout.

Maybe finally getting words on a page is just what I need, in a place no one knows who I am and there are no expectations. Hopefully there are new friends to be made, and maybe they will be just as eccentric and a little bit crazy like I am. Kick your shoes off…come on in.