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Metal Angel

~ I remain, though dreams are shattered, forever awaiting the return of light…

Metal Angel

Tag Archives: NaNoWriMo

Yes I’m alive

08 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Camp NaNoWriMo, creative writing, NaNoWriMo, writing

I know those that follow my blog will realize that a bunch of posts disappeared this evening. For those of you that may be concerned, know their removal was completely intentional. I realize this has caused some big gaps of time in the archive, but rest assured that there is a good reason. All those private passworded posts have been added to, and have finally morphed themselves into a novel, that will hopefully be ready for release sometime in late August 2017.

I understand that I should make more time to blog, but the majority of my writing efforts have been put into finishing and editing the novel that is now titled Hereafter. I now have a website devoted solely to my writing at: aurorawildey.com and that means that this blog will mostly likely be used from now on for posts of a more personal nature. I hope you will all stay tuned during the revamp, and follow my other blog to keep up with my writing related endeavors.

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Almost camp time again…

15 Tuesday Mar 2016

Posted by Aurora in Creative Writing, Daily Drivel, Escape From Reality, Fun Stuff, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Randomness, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

creative writing, NaNoWriMo, writing

CNW_Participant

 

Yes it’s almost that time again…

I’ll be joining the usual list of suspects as a member of Silver Beaver Cabin for the third session of Camp NaNoWriMo in a row April 1st-30th of this year. Camp is a little more relaxed an affair than regular NaNoWriMo in November of each year. Not only can you set your own word count goal, but you can also choose to work on what inspires you whether it be fiction, non-fiction, screenplays, book covers, or illustrations. Being able to set your own goal, can also make it a good test run for people that want to attempt NaNo, without all the pressure of the 50k goal right from the beginning.

My project for this session of camp seems to be coming out quite differently than normal. I know my setting, and a rather detailed cast of characters, and I have a general idea of who they are and how they relate to one another. What is the issue then? I have no plot. To quote Chris Baty: “No plot, no problem.”

I am what we NaNoers like to call a “Pantser.”

I write entire novels by pulling them out of thin air as I go along. Rarely if ever, is anything I write planned in advance, except brief little snippets of scenes throughout the story I have foreseen ahead of time. The getting from point A to point B stuff is always an interesting feat for me. I’ve been known to skip or gloss over entire sections of novels to keep momentum getting to the next part when I don’t know what to write in between two sections. Loss of momentum, not just perfectionism is what kills many stories before they even see light of day.

That’s the point of NaNo, get it on paper, go back and fix it later…

Don’t be afraid to make mistakes…mistakes are what editing is for. You can’t be afraid of writing something that completely sucks in the beginning. Everyone, even a lot of famous authors are convinced that their first drafts are drivel. (and they usually are)

Get it on paper, save the fear and self loathing for this masochistic thing we like to call editing…that comes in December…or May…or August.

See you all at Camp! Someone better save me some smores!

Lacking Motivation

19 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, Faith, In Hindsight, NaNoWriMo, Rants, Taterbug, winnifrog, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

anxiety, autism, family, kids, loneliness, motherhood, NaNoWriMo, partenting

Writing seems to have gone by the wayside for me yet again. It’s not all that unusual for me to do this now that the weather is warming up. Lots of people are doing the July round of Camp NaNoWriMo, but I haven’t signed up this time, because I know I have far too much going on in my life at the moment to really commit to it. Between Thor’s busy schedule, and starting physical therapy next week that is far overdue, I know my days are going to be full.

Now that the weather is nicer, I am trying to make more of an effort to get out of the house. This new house is actually fairly nice, but I still find myself wanting to run back the the old and familiar, especially when anxiety is getting the best of me. I go back and forth between loving and hating it here sometimes because of it. I think it’s mostly the nowhere to go, and no one to really talk to thing that’s getting to me. It’s hard trying to find a place to fit in here. I’m starting to wonder how long that is going to take, considering I didn’t make a single real friend in the 3 years we lived in the last place. I guess I should be more optimistic that maybe it will be different here. Maybe…

As you can tell by the photo, the little guy is getting tall, as in really tall. He’s 40 inches in height already and about 35 pounds. It looks like he is going to be tall and lanky just like his daddy. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I will be very happy if the weight issues I have always struggled with will pass him by. He is a good healthy eater though, and will pick veggies to eat over just about anything. Bell peppers and ground turkey sloppy joes are about his favorite things in the world right now.


I still haven’t gotten word about Whitney’s court date yet, but that’s mostly because there is paperwork to finish, and then a another big game of hurry up and wait, when it comes to getting a hearing arranged. I am hoping and praying that my ex decides to skip this hearing as he has so many others that have taken place over the years. He’s never really been that involved with her growing up, but he unfortunately is the sort of person that would be vindictive at the hearing just to spite me. If he can find an opening and a knife to twist in the wound he will do it. He is an ex for so many reasons I really don’t want to get into here.

I’m so nervous over this guardianship hearing it’s got me on eggshells. I’ve been waiting so many years for this day to come, that I am beside myself worrying that something is going to screw it up. If I can just get her home than all this hoping and praying, and pain of the these last 7 years will be worth it.

7 years without your baby girl, that’s a hell of a long time to lose, with anyone, much less a piece of your heart, that’s been ripped away, and kept just out of reach for far too long…

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Yay I won!

30 Thursday Apr 2015

Tags

NaNoWriMo, writing

Camp-Winner-2015-Twitter-Profile

Posted by Aurora | Filed under Creative Writing, Fun Stuff, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Quizzes & Other Fun Stuff, Quizzes & Other Fun Stuff

≈ 1 Comment

Swamped

27 Wednesday Nov 2013

Posted by Aurora in Complaint Department, Evil Wizard, NaNoWriMo, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

family, marriage, NaNoWriMo, stress, worry, writing

Another November and I don’t feel that I’ve gotten much accomplished, or at least not the things I had hoped to. The writing hasn’t been going so well, mostly because the demands of taking care of Thor, are just, well, demanding.

Right after his first birthday, any semblance of a sleep schedule we seemed to have Thor into went right out the window. Most nights now we are lucky to have him to sleep by 10 now instead of 8. Last night Thor was awake until midnight. For some odd unknown reason, however, when he falls asleep seems to have little to no effect on what time he wakes up in the morning.

Truth be told, by the time it’s quiet enough for me to get anything accomplished now that I am stuck at a desk in the living room, it is too late in the evening, and I am far too tired to write coherently. At least if my laptop were still working properly I could go back and hide in the bedroom at fleeting moments during the day. It’s annoying to be stuck here at this desk, especially when it’s out here in the middle of everything where it’s noisy and nearly impossible to avoid serious distractions.

I have suddenly remembered why I am really, really, not a desktop person.

Maybe someday soon I will be able to afford to get the laptop fixed, and use it strictly as a writing only computer. Thankfully all it needs seems to be a new cooling fan. The part won’t cost much, but the installation might be a bit pricier than I can afford to spring for right now.

I’d love to have a nice recliner to kick back in while I work on this novel, and not this half broken desk chair that is killing both my hind end and my back, sadly I have no such thing, just an old granny sofa that sits too far away from the screen for me to see to tell what I am typing from there, even if the new keyboard is wireless.

The rest of life outside of writing still has me feeling as if I am running in circles and getting nowhere, especially as it pertains to our housing situation. It seems we still keep hitting brick walls with almost anything we have tried, either financially, or just with finding anything in our price range in general.

I want to be in a place of our own so badly. I don’t think even John understands just how much stress still being here is putting me under. I want a home or apartment of my own so I can at least somewhat have control back over my own life. I don’t want to have to consult anyone about my choices. I am beyond sick and tired of feeling as if I am walking on eggshells trying to appease someone, who seems to live in a way directly opposed to my values just to spite me.

I was an independent and introverted person even before I came here, and will continue to be for the foreseeable future. As much as I enjoy the company of people when I want to be around them, I am not a people person by any stretch of the imagination. I want to be around people when I want to be around them, at least outside of close loved ones. Having someone I don’t want to be living with in my face, every day, day in, and day out is a nightmare for me.

Life is stressful enough, and home is supposed to be your shelter from that. What happens when it isn’t? What do you do when home is sometimes feeling like the last place you want you or your family to be?

Just Duckie

20 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by Aurora in Evil Wizard, Fun Stuff, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Birthdays, children, family, fun, kids, NaNoWriMo, parenting, pittsburgh, rubber duckie, writing

Yesterday we had a little bit of an adventure downtown, taking Thor out shopping, for his birthday presents, which he won’t remember once Thursday rolls around anyway, and to buy him a rubber duckie. Truthfully there was an ulterior motive behind the duckie part, as the giant rubber duckie was in town, and we wanted to take him to see it before it leaves for good tomorrow.

Thor seemed very excited about the duckie, and held it almost all the way down to the park, but eventually we had to rescue it before he accidentally dropped it and put it in a bag under the stroller so it wouldn’t get lost. Yes we are sappy parents when it comes to stuff like this. We bought him a t-shirt, and some stickers to put in his baby book.

I don’t know if Thor will remember anything about that day years from now. I don’t think many people do have many, if any memories at that age. I do hope he will look back on the photos, and his baby book, and know that we did our best to try and give him a fun day, even if it was a little early for his actual birthday.

Things are going a little better here thankfully in some ways, and my stress level has dropped if only a little. There’s been good news and bad news the last couple of weeks. The shutdown ended our chances at getting a mortgage for now, but the good news on that front is, they told us what we need to fix to better our chance when we reapply six months from now.

I’m presently trying to plan my next book for NaNoWriMo in a couple of weeks. Wish me luck I am going to need it.

The Storm

19 Thursday Sep 2013

Posted by Aurora in Fun Stuff, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Writing

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Tags

NaNoWriMo, writing

This post is in response to the daily writing prompt at Today’s Author for September 17th 2013.

Today’s Prompt:

The dark clouds rolled in quickly, casting strange shadows across the landscape.

The sky carried the same eerie amber glow that most often accompanied a storm that promised more bite than bark. Thunder rumbled as the air grew colder, as the coal black clouds crept ever closer, and soon after that glowing sky went from near florescent, to near dark as night, even in what should have been the brightness of early afternoon. These were not ordinary rain clouds, they churned and seemed to boil as they passed over what seemed a low enough altitude for them to almost touch the earth at any moment.

Rarely had I stood underneath such a sky, even in the many years I have been here to weather the frequently stormy summers. My stomach seemed tied in knots as I stood at the window, fretting over starting the drive home, or waiting out the storm in the store where I was, in what could only be described as one nameless strip mall of many that dotted the landscape on that end of town.

A desire to run home, won out and left me bolting for the car as the wind picked up, and the rain began to fall, and dust and stray litter whipped across the parking lot, propelled by the gusts that whipped my hair and my clothes tight against me as I struggled to open the car door and close it behind me.

I turned the radio on and tuned it to a local station, which for that moment carried the annoyingly chipper advertisement for a local grocery chain having a special on ground beef and a certain brand of fabric softener. Traffic had slowed to a crawl halfway home as the rain and wind finally bore down in full force, visibility reduced to only a few car lengths ahead even with the wipers going as fast as they could manage.

The rain was coming down so heavily in fact that the street now looked like a small river a few inches deep, and water bubbled out of the storm drains and manhole covers, the rain falling far too quickly for the town’s antiquated sewer system to handle the sudden deluge. Thankfully my turnoff was leading me uphill, even if it meant going home by a slightly more out of the way route than I normally would have taken to avoid most of the other low lying areas. I could not, however, avoid the one last dip in the road at the end of my street, which proved to be also starting to flood as I crept through the intersection, hoping the car wouldn’t stall before I made it through.

My sigh of relief had been premature as I rounded the curve, only to find the big oak tree in Mrs. Hawkins front yard not merely blocking the street, but thoroughly crushing Mr. Daily’s up until then nice shiny new sports car. I couldn’t turn around and go back, without taking a chance with the flood, and now I couldn’t go forward. I’d debated just sitting in the car until the storm cleared, at that point, but the peal of the air raid siren, jolted me away from that prospect. There was nothing else to do at that point than to pull the car as far off the road as I could safely, and run the half a block still between me and home as fast as I could through the downpour. I’d grab clean dry clothes from the laundry room in the basement once I was in there and safe.

Did I mention I’m just a little afraid of storms?

Playing Ketchup?

18 Sunday Aug 2013

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, children, disabled, family, ketchup, kids, life, marriage, NaNoWriMo, parenting, random, worry, writing

Yes I misspelled the title of today’s blog post on purpose…because I can.

Life still seems to be stuck in that same stressful holding pattern, of waiting for answers. It’s hard knowing things are out of your hands when it comes to what your family’s financial situation is going to be like for the foreseeable future. Sadly worry isn’t really getting me anywhere, or I’d be a millionaire from doing it by now.

It’s hard to find ideas for what to write about when I’m stressed. I remember a time when writing was my escape from it all. I wonder what’s changed?

I go days at a time without writing now, and then try to play catch up when I do write. Sometimes I may get interrupted half a dozen times trying to make one post by the baby, the hubby, or sometimes even the cat, thinking he needs to do the typing for me. I love my family, I really do, but sometimes I think that in order to get something resembling serious writing accomplished I am going to need to padlock myself in a room a few hours a day somewhere I don’t have the luxury of wi-fi.

One thing uncertainty has always given me is an urge to plan ahead. People who don’t know me are usually amazed at my ability to pack rat the necessities far ahead of when we need them. I’m not a hoarder, but I do believe in having some things set aside in advance of when you need them. You never know when there will be an unexpected emergency, or your kid will have a sudden overnight growth spurt.

When I didn’t know how our finances were going to change, the first thing I did was start trying to plan for Thor this winter. It’s hard enough to find little boys clothes around here on a good day, let alone coats or anything of that nature, so that was the first thing I went after, making sure he had two sizes worth of decent winter coats and footy pajamas to last him through winter this year. As long as he isn’t in a larger toddler size by spring I should hopefully have most of his clothes except pants covered for the winter. My friend Christie knitted him a nice warm hat, that thankfully he seems to love so far.

Boys jeans are proving to be harder than anything to find for some reason. Thor already wears a larger size in shirt than in pants anyway so “outfits” usually aren’t that good of an option unless the pieces can be worn separately. I really miss the old Garanimals section of the kids area of department stores, but none of the stores around here seem to carry them anymore.

The stores I have seen in my area are like a sea of little girls clothing, with hardly a rack of boys things in sight. This is precisely why when I actually run across decent boys clothing at yard sales, if I have the money, I clean the place out. Outside of underwear and shoes, I don’t think there’s much parents aren’t better off buying used for all the longer kids are going to wear it, well, unless it’s a nice outfit for a special occasion. The styles of girls clothing do tend to change frequently, but with boys, thankfully, people tend to stick with the classics, sports, trucks, dinosaurs, and super heroes, so they don’t seem to go out of fashion nearly as quickly.

It still puzzles me why people assume Thor is a girl, when I dress him up in tie dye though. I don’t get that at all …

People are just weird I guess…

Then again I’m rather odd myself, so I don’t know why any of that surprises me anymore. This post, like so many others is turning into a ramble, without that much of a central point. I guess I am writing just to write. I need to do more of that. It’s getting easier now that I’m finally doing it. Maybe that means if nothing else, at least this mission, for now, is accomplished.

Writer’s group writing prompt for July (#2)

18 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by Aurora in Creative Writing, My Writing, Writing

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Tags

NaNoWriMo, writing

 One day, at your local library, you are looking around the very back shelves. There is a particularly boring looking book there, but for some reason it catches your interest and you find yourself removing it from the shelf. However, as soon as you move the book, the bookcase opens in like a door, revealing a deep dark tunnel.

I had never thought to look through the dusty, moth-eaten tomes in the historical section of the library until that afternoon, not until local history and genealogy had caught my attention, since moving to the city only a short time before. This building was known to have quite a history of its own, having survived a pair of wars mostly intact, with the exception of having been looted and partially burned during one unfortunate siege.
Sadly, even with the outcry from local interest groups, and the city preservation group, the building would most likely be torn down to make way for a new housing development, if a reason besides its age couldn’t be found to make it worth preserving. There were threats of imminent domain, and in an effort to appease, the neighborhood had been promised a shiny new and updated building a few blocks over to replace the present one, but that did little to quell the anger, of what sadly seemed a vocal minority. The mayor, city council and zoning board only seemed concerned with the money they believed the new development was poised to begin bringing.

The cellar stacks weren’t off limits to be explored, and read while in the building, but research materials, and books considered antiques, were not permitted to leave the cellar. The air was cool there, as I wove between the many rows of shelves, into the oldest part of the dimly lit chamber, where the air smelled faintly of dust, old paper, and cedar blocks placed among the rows of books to keep moths from chewing at the bindings.
I hadn’t seen much of interest in that section, the books seemed to be mostly old agricultural journals, and plans for antiquated machinery. I am sure they would hold collectors value for someone, but outside of being donated to a museum, I could scarcely imagine what could be done with them when this library closed, if they decided packing them up and moving them wasn’t worth doing.
Row after row of books, passed by in their dusty sameness, before I stopped to look at one, a bit intrigued. It was smaller than most others; its cover was soot stained and illegible. It seemed quite odd that they would re-shelve a book that was in such deplorable condition. I suppose that tucked back into a corner as it was, in the dimly lit room, it was easily overlooked, as the cellar was rarely visited, and dimly lit in comparison to the rest of the building, with the exception of the small reading area near the stairs that lead to the main part of the building.
Intrigued I went to pluck the small book off the shelf, wanting to at least let someone on staff know about what I had found, but the book would only tilt, not budge from the shelf. As I tugged harder there was an audible click and a groan as the heavy bookshelf in front of me began to swing inward away from me, vanishing into darkness. My stomach tied up in knots at that point, but curiosity won out, as I fished my penlight out of my backpack, and shone it into the dark corridor that had just opened up behind what had seemed until then to be a solid stone wall.
A short distance beyond the doorway, the tunnel brought me to a set of curving stone stairs, that while covered in cobwebs seemed sturdy enough, and beyond that another closed, but unbolted door swung in with a groan, with considerable effort as I leaned against it. There was what seemed a cool draft as the door came open. Nothing seemed to stir within, and the air smelled of dust, and cobwebs and drop clothes covered everything inside the room.
I lifted the nearest cloth half expecting something to jump out at me, Having seen far too many horror movies was making my imagination run away with me, before I took a breath and scolded myself as I drug the cloth to the floor. Under it was what seemed to be a very ornately carved heavy wooden table, and on it small chests, that were sadly locked, sitting among the chests were several sets of what appeared to be fine silver place settings, and boxes with china. I would have begun to wonder if I’d walked into an ordinary storage room, it the stuff didn’t look at least a couple of hundred years old.
My eyes got as big as saucers as I moved through the room, tossing aside the other drop clothes to see what was underneath. There seemed to be a treasure trove of artwork, antique furnishings, and more locked chests, of which I could only begin to guess the contents. By then I was filthy and my hair was filled with dust, and my heart pounded as I tried to decide exactly what to do with what I had discovered. My conscience would have eventually won out even if most of it wasn’t too heavy to carry away.
I tried not to yell incoherently when I raced back out of the cellar to the front desk, and tried to get the attention of the head librarian. She looked at me quite nervously, probably because of how filthy I was when I told her something had happened in the cellar that she needed to see. It was almost closing time by then, so she and another couple of the ladies followed me. I was nervous when I lead her back toward the door, which I had reclosed behind me when I went out again to keep someone else from stumbling in. Her jaw dropped open as wide as my own had when I pulled at the book and the door swung inward. The ladies were all but shaking as they looked over the contents of the room, wondering if what was inside could be the answer to their prayers when it came to saving their lovely old building from the wrecking ball.
They unveiled their find in front of the police and the local media only a short time later. It turns out to have contained most of the treasures that had been feared lost before the battle that had partially burned the oldest section of the building. The original curator had taken care to hide everything in the hidden cellar vault he had prepared when he heard the armies were drawing near. He had however been killed not long after repairing the building just before the war ended, telling no one what he had secreted away there. The developers thankfully gave up trying to tear down the building, and had instead chosen to build around it.
As for myself, I must confess my inner magpie got the better of me. That day, I slipped into my backpack the one small beautifully carved chest for which there seemed to be a key. After hiding it away for some time, I finally mustered the courage to open it one evening when I was alone in my room. It contained a stack of love letters written in beautiful handwriting, a lock of hair wrapped in a square of linen, a framed portrait of what seemed to be a lovely young woman, and a small child. Wrapped inside a square of velvet inside a small silver box was a ring, a large opal in a delicate setting of gold and silver vines.
More than once I pondered over whether or not I should have kept what I had taken. After a while of my nagging conscience getting the better of me, I still hadn’t returned it, but instead had begun to research, just who the author of the letters was, and if someone, anyone, was still around to pass them down to. Part of me thought it would be a shame to see them auctioned off with the rest of the treasure.
It hadn’t taken as much digging around as I had thought, the letters having been written by the wife os the library’s curator, who had passed on a few months before the fire. Their daughter had by then married, and had one surviving child, a daughter, the trail from there seemed to become more difficult to follow, but part of me felt obligated to try. I could at least give someone that much back, even if I never breathed a word of how I had come across it, or where it had come from.
Someday, someone would get an envelope with the portrait, the letters and the ring inside, and a typed letter explaining why. To me it seemed rather romantic that all of his own the curator had taken time to hide, were those things that meant the most to him, most likely to pass on to his daughter at a future time that never came. As for the box, I planned to keep it, if nothing else but for the memories. Maybe I will hide a special thing or two of my own inside, and wait for someone to discover it one day, and wonder about who I was, and what was closest to my heart. Maybe I’m just a sucker for happy endings.

(sorry if the story seems a bit convoluted….I was half asleep when I wrote it. Ya gotta write while everyone else sleeps sometimes)

Drawing a blank

10 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by Aurora in Creative Writing, Daily Drivel, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Writing

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Tags

anxiety, NaNoWriMo, writing

writer's block

Ah writer’s block, why won’t you leave me?

I’ve never had such a difficult time coming up with new story ideas as I have this last couple of years, and the last year especially. I used to be full of ideas. I still have several ideas that may work for a shorter project, but nothing I can see stretching into a full length novel. Unfortunately full length novels are kind of the point of NaNoWriMo, or getting published in general.

I’ve got characters sitting here waiting to talk, but no idea where the plot of the novel would otherwise be going, for at least 3 different projects I haven’t written a single word of. I know I should tell myself, I’ll never know if they would work or not if I don’t try. People would probably question my sanity if this one project took the only bunny trail I can think of to take with it.

Maybe I just worry too much about messing up…

Or that it won’t be good enough…

I am a little afraid if I don’t think of a plan, whatever I write will turn into a long pointless ramble. Before when I have begun projects that way it has taken me several additional months to a year or more to finish them.

Those projects admittedly didn’t turn out all that horrible…

Why am I still so worried?

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My Tweets

  • Wake up, try to write, stare at the computer monitor blankly, waste time on social media, blink and it's bedtime, sleep, repeat. #NaNoWriMo 6 years ago
  • The search for beta readers continues. What is it with people who offer to read your novel and then don't follow through? #AuthorProblems 6 years ago
  • @HeriJoensen You did an excellent job of explaining in a calm and rational manner. Hopefully it will help educate others also. 6 years ago
  • Yes I'm busy playing with the snakeys :) Come and play slither.io #slitherio 6 years ago
  • @Vikingfist I just don't understand what makes them believe taking guns away from law abiding people is gonna stop the rare determined idiot 6 years ago

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