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Metal Angel

~ I remain, though dreams are shattered, forever awaiting the return of light…

Metal Angel

Tag Archives: children

Thor’s Second Birthday

25 Saturday Oct 2014

Posted by Aurora in Fun Stuff, Taterbug

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

babies, Birthdays, children, family, kids, motherhood, parenting, toddlers

Thor just turned 2 years old today, and it seems like it all has gone by way too fast. He has so much energy, and such a big personality. He is sweet and playful, and already quite creative in his own way. Everything is an adventure for him, whether it is running away with daddy’s drumsticks, or reading the same picture book for the tenth time that day. He loves owls and cats, but his favorite thing in the world always has been and still seems to be music. He is my little ray of sunshine.

Ugga-mugga little man, stay this sweet and little just a little while longer, please.

Where does time go?

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Emotional Rollercoaster

23 Monday Jun 2014

Posted by Aurora in Complaint Department, Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Faith, In Hindsight, Rants, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, cats, children, depression, disabled, family, kids, life, marriage, moving, parenting, poverty, rants, writing

Life has surely had its ups and downs the last couple of months here. We’ve jumped through so many hoops, sometimes I wonder how much more jumping I have left in me. Being this stressed is exhausting. It’s easy for others to tell you not to worry, when they really have no idea what you are going through. Sometimes I wish people would do a little less telling me not to worry, and just ask me what it is they can do to help. Life would be so much easier.

We are still looking for a new place to live, and for a short while, we thought we had found what seemed the near-perfect place for us. It was a nice house in a very small town an hour to the north of where we live now. John’s mom was going to help us get the down payment to be able to buy it, and I thought things were finally looking up.

That was until, lo and behold, and out of state buyer swooped in at the last moment, and outbid our offer by several thousand dollars.

Needless to say I was crushed and still am. Now I guess it is back to the drawing board. The realtor says she has more homes she can show us, but in our price range, the selection is kind of limited. Part of me is almost afraid to get my hopes up, but I want us to have a nice home of our own so badly. Rents are way out of league around here, buying seems like our only option if we have a prayer of affording anything. Rent on a comparable house would be four times as much as the mortgage payment would be, at the very least.

I just want a stable place to call home. I want somewhere for Thor to grow up, and not worry him over having to move every few years. I want to be able to paint walls a color that isn’t white or beige, and hang as many pictures as I darn well please. Now that my older kids are grown, in a few years I want something their kids will be able to call grandma and grandpa’s house, somewhere they can run back and forth in and jump up and down on the floor in without driving the downstairs neighbors insane.

Maybe it’s all just too much to ask for, but I have to keep trying. Hopefully when next week comes, there will be better news.

Meanwhile the little guy is growing like a weed and into everything. He keeps me smiling even when it seems like the job of trying to keep up with him never ends. He is almost frighteningly smart nowadays. He already knows how to do basic things not only on our cell phone, but also on the computer. He can open iTunes and play his favorite music, which I think he recognizes by the album cover pictures. He also already uses about a dozen different words , with some of his most consistent ones being: up, spoon, hi, no, and of course the word, owl. He still can’t seem to get enough of owls, which have been his favorite animal since he was only a few weeks old, but which are now having to share a special place in his heart with cats, especially his now much beloved stuffed cat named Tygie.

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Tygie is the first toy that I can say, Thor picked out all by himself. He takes him almost anywhere and everywhere now, at least around the house. We try to make sure he leaves him at home when we have somewhere to go, because we are a little afraid of the cat getting lost. Thor would be devastated if that happened. He won’t go to sleep at nap time or at bedtime without him.

As you can see, orange cats are by far his favorite, I think because they look like our real live cats. The kitty here in the photo with Tygie is our oldest cat, who unfortunately came to us already with the name Boobies. He is quite an old man now, at 19 years old, and is very well loved, if slightly afraid of our son when he’s being noisy and moving too quickly near him. Thankfully Thor is getting much better about being gentle with the cats, and doesn’t pull tails nearly as often as he used to.

I am unsure what else to write about at this time. It’s hard to write, let alone be creative when your mind seems so busy with every day worries that seem so overwhelming. Writing used to be an escape, but nowadays it seems impossible when life seems this overwhelming. I am hoping to some day soon to at least have something good to write about here, instead of all this seemingly endless venting of the day’s issues.

Even if it is with much ranting and complaining, I always seem to keep moving, somehow…

 

 

Hope and fear

14 Tuesday Jan 2014

Posted by Aurora in Complaint Department, Rants, Winnifrog

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

autism, children, custody, depression, family, kids, motherhood, parenting, special needs, worry

Optimism is hard for me, the last few years especially, when it comes to dealing with the ongoing situation with my daughter. I’ve wanted nothing more than to have her home, and I make sure I tell her frequently. Unfortunately every time I thought there was a ghost of a chance of it actually happening, I’ve pretty much had my hopes dashed to pieces.

There is another hearing coming up next week. I feel an obligation to be there, but part of me is also nearly paralyzed by knowing that my efforts would be all but futile. Deep inside I know that the outcome would be the same in my presence or without it. It’s as much my own state of mind that I am worried for. Should I go and go through the motions and attend a hearing that has already all but been decided, or should I just stay away and let them do the inevitable without me?

Is there hope of this ending any other way?

Should I really be spending a couple of hundred dollars we don’t really have right now for bus tickets and hotel rooms, when I know almost for sure that I will be coming back home alone with nothing to show for it but depression it may take weeks to shake myself out of?

Would I be a horrible person and mother if I just threw my hands up in the air and told them all that I just can’t do this?

Is it time to let my daughter go, and hope she will be happy with whatever life they can help her build for herself? All I can do is keep reminding her that my door is always open, and she always has a place here, even if the decisions on her future are out of my hands.

Damn this is hard…

Just Duckie

20 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by Aurora in Evil Wizard, Fun Stuff, My Writing, NaNoWriMo, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Birthdays, children, family, fun, kids, NaNoWriMo, parenting, pittsburgh, rubber duckie, writing

Yesterday we had a little bit of an adventure downtown, taking Thor out shopping, for his birthday presents, which he won’t remember once Thursday rolls around anyway, and to buy him a rubber duckie. Truthfully there was an ulterior motive behind the duckie part, as the giant rubber duckie was in town, and we wanted to take him to see it before it leaves for good tomorrow.

Thor seemed very excited about the duckie, and held it almost all the way down to the park, but eventually we had to rescue it before he accidentally dropped it and put it in a bag under the stroller so it wouldn’t get lost. Yes we are sappy parents when it comes to stuff like this. We bought him a t-shirt, and some stickers to put in his baby book.

I don’t know if Thor will remember anything about that day years from now. I don’t think many people do have many, if any memories at that age. I do hope he will look back on the photos, and his baby book, and know that we did our best to try and give him a fun day, even if it was a little early for his actual birthday.

Things are going a little better here thankfully in some ways, and my stress level has dropped if only a little. There’s been good news and bad news the last couple of weeks. The shutdown ended our chances at getting a mortgage for now, but the good news on that front is, they told us what we need to fix to better our chance when we reapply six months from now.

I’m presently trying to plan my next book for NaNoWriMo in a couple of weeks. Wish me luck I am going to need it.

Playing Ketchup?

18 Sunday Aug 2013

Posted by Aurora in Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Tangents, Random Thoughts, Taterbug, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

anxiety, children, disabled, family, ketchup, kids, life, marriage, NaNoWriMo, parenting, random, worry, writing

Yes I misspelled the title of today’s blog post on purpose…because I can.

Life still seems to be stuck in that same stressful holding pattern, of waiting for answers. It’s hard knowing things are out of your hands when it comes to what your family’s financial situation is going to be like for the foreseeable future. Sadly worry isn’t really getting me anywhere, or I’d be a millionaire from doing it by now.

It’s hard to find ideas for what to write about when I’m stressed. I remember a time when writing was my escape from it all. I wonder what’s changed?

I go days at a time without writing now, and then try to play catch up when I do write. Sometimes I may get interrupted half a dozen times trying to make one post by the baby, the hubby, or sometimes even the cat, thinking he needs to do the typing for me. I love my family, I really do, but sometimes I think that in order to get something resembling serious writing accomplished I am going to need to padlock myself in a room a few hours a day somewhere I don’t have the luxury of wi-fi.

One thing uncertainty has always given me is an urge to plan ahead. People who don’t know me are usually amazed at my ability to pack rat the necessities far ahead of when we need them. I’m not a hoarder, but I do believe in having some things set aside in advance of when you need them. You never know when there will be an unexpected emergency, or your kid will have a sudden overnight growth spurt.

When I didn’t know how our finances were going to change, the first thing I did was start trying to plan for Thor this winter. It’s hard enough to find little boys clothes around here on a good day, let alone coats or anything of that nature, so that was the first thing I went after, making sure he had two sizes worth of decent winter coats and footy pajamas to last him through winter this year. As long as he isn’t in a larger toddler size by spring I should hopefully have most of his clothes except pants covered for the winter. My friend Christie knitted him a nice warm hat, that thankfully he seems to love so far.

Boys jeans are proving to be harder than anything to find for some reason. Thor already wears a larger size in shirt than in pants anyway so “outfits” usually aren’t that good of an option unless the pieces can be worn separately. I really miss the old Garanimals section of the kids area of department stores, but none of the stores around here seem to carry them anymore.

The stores I have seen in my area are like a sea of little girls clothing, with hardly a rack of boys things in sight. This is precisely why when I actually run across decent boys clothing at yard sales, if I have the money, I clean the place out. Outside of underwear and shoes, I don’t think there’s much parents aren’t better off buying used for all the longer kids are going to wear it, well, unless it’s a nice outfit for a special occasion. The styles of girls clothing do tend to change frequently, but with boys, thankfully, people tend to stick with the classics, sports, trucks, dinosaurs, and super heroes, so they don’t seem to go out of fashion nearly as quickly.

It still puzzles me why people assume Thor is a girl, when I dress him up in tie dye though. I don’t get that at all …

People are just weird I guess…

Then again I’m rather odd myself, so I don’t know why any of that surprises me anymore. This post, like so many others is turning into a ramble, without that much of a central point. I guess I am writing just to write. I need to do more of that. It’s getting easier now that I’m finally doing it. Maybe that means if nothing else, at least this mission, for now, is accomplished.

Four Months Old

24 Sunday Feb 2013

Posted by Aurora in Taterbug

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

babies, children, family, kids, motherhood, parenting

It seems like only yesterday he arrived sometimes, but most days it feels like he’s been here forever. All I know is I fall more and more in love with this stinker every single day. I am blessed more than words can say to have him.

Thor is fifteen pounds and twenty-seven inches tall already. It amazes me how fast he grows and changes. He already looks almost nothing like his newborn pictures. It’s amazing just how fast he’s turned into his own little person, with so much personality, and a smile and laugh that could light up anything.

Now if only I could get him to smile for the camera…

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