The link in my previous post has been repaired, it will now take you directly to the blog instead of the index page, while the rest of the site is still under construction. Sorry about the mix up.
I have moved my journal off of wordpress.com, and to a wordpress blog on my own website. Those that want to visit my new blog can do so Here. Over the next couple of days I am going to transfer my blog roll and other info over. I hope that those of you who have added this blog to your blogroll, will add the new one as well. Let me know what you think of the new decor..hehehe
I've been having a lot of strange random thoughts the last few days, but sadly have not had the motivation until now to record them. I am more frustrated than ever with my daughter's teacher and the whole educational system in general here. The teacher complains that my child will not work for her, but doesn't seem to understand that her irate and condesending attitude with my daughter may be half of the problem. How well is a child going to want to learn for anyone they feels hates them? Lady, why can't you just get the point of that?
It's been raining here non-stop for the last 2-3 days, which pretty much keeps me from taking my daily walk. I have an inspection this afternoon, and should probably be cleaning anyway. Someone in their lovely infinite wisdom decided to call CPS and tell them I have no food in the house, even though my cabinets are almost always well stocked. Knowing my luck it is Whit's father on a revenge kick again, still trying to control our lives afrom afar. I wish he would go on with his own miserable life and leave me out of it, I left that control freak for a reason eleven years ago, and I'd prefer not to deal with him anymore. He needs to run his own house and keep his nose out of mine.
I talked with Greg for a long time last couple nights and this morning about a lot of whats been going on. I just hope he does know I appreciate his friendship, and having him there to talk to. It is nice to have a good christian man level with you about the male point of view when it comes to things, especially this whole Chaz breakup disaster. He has helped me a lot more than I think he will ever know.
Out of all the friends that have been there for me the last few months, Greg and Hannie have been the most consistent. Both listen, Greg tells me the guy's point of view, both give me reality checks when I get to feeling sorry about things, and Hannie kicks me in the booty, with love of course, when I need it. I don't know how many times I have heard "Oh for the love of Buddha, girl.." the last few months. LOL
I went shopping for a priced a digital camera to help me with the artwork projects that I really want to start doing. Turns out that the quality of camera I need and a memory card are going to cost about $220 dollars by the time I am done paying on it all. I am messing around making the avatars for right now, but if I want to start making album covers and website graphics professionally, I have to have a way to take my own shots and not rely on other people's photography. Eventually I hope to get as good at this as Rex is.
I am going to stop writing for now, going to make some breakfast and then get moving on cleaning so I am not putting it off until the very last minute…cause I know me. Procrastination is a bad habit I'm really going to have to work on getting rid of.
You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people – people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding.
You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives. You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon – sooner than you believed possible – this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.
For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships – that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' – someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination.
You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth. Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.
Whit woke up all stuffed up and with a sore throat this morning to where she could berely talk, so I let her stay home from school today. I have no idea why I am so exhausted, but I have been very tempted to go back to sleep since taking my shower this morning. Part of me knows this is not a very logical thing to do with a sick schild home, but ugh, trying to stay awake is torture.
I haven't gotten much done today, considering everything. No daily walk has been taken, although we did make the bank and get lunch on the way home. She's finally decided to take a nap, so there's really nothing to do but sit here, surf the net and twiddle my thumbs. Maybe I'll catch a catnap now myself.
Sometimes when I awaken in the morning or from a brief nap, I find some very odd thoughts coming to mind. This morning it was thinking how I can very clearly picture places that I have been in the past, that I probably will never see again. Just before I woke up, I found myself mentally walking through the house in Fairborn I shared with Chaz for a year. It's strange, but I don't see it, empty as it must be now. The funiture was still in place, everything just as I remembered it.
Even in my mind, I knew there was no one there, it was almost like taking one last look around. Though I can still picture everything that happened there, it just feels like something out of a dream now. Maybe with all thats happened this week, my mind is finally starting to do some letting go on its own. I guess it just seems a lot harder when I'm awake.
I wish I could find a website editor that is actually going to work for me. I've been wanting to get this website together since I bought the domain name a couple weeks ago. Face it, I'm good at making graphics, but I don't know the first thing about html. Help…
You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back… so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.
Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.
You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.
You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it – you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.
You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.
I happened across an estate sale going on around 3 blocks down the road from my house. I browsed through the smaller items up for bid first, knowing I would never have enough money to even think of bidding on funiture, even though there are still some things I need for the house pretty badly.
The first thing I bid on was a piece of engraved cranberry glass, which I was convinced would go a lot higher. It was dated 1929…got it for a song at $9.
Then I bid on an entire box of old dishes for $2 just to get the 5 matching depression glass plates at the bottom, apparently the guy had no idea how much the plates really could have gone for…hehe
I also bid on an antique silver and mother of pearl spoon and fork set for a baby, with 3 anitique oneida baby spoons…went for $4.
For my daughter I bid $4 on a hand painted and numbered statue of what appears to be bambi…definitely old…a guy I showed it to says he thinks it may be worth about $100…that would be cool..
I also got a very cool brass and marble statue of birds in flight for $4 no idea who the maker is but it is simply gorgeous..
My last buy of the day was an old carnival glass candy dish, amazingly enough… for only $8. I took it over and gave it to my grandmother who has a very large collection of glassware. Grandpa says it was a downright steal for what I paid for it. All in all I think I did rather well, or at least hope that I did.
My stomach is still not quite back to normal today, but I'm hoping before long I will be over this. Being sick is really no fun, but it was nice to get a chance to get out and get some air.
I think men have a genetic thing against shopping. It doesn't matter where you go, my father believes it is a total waste of time to browse for anything. The minute you walk in, he expects you to go straight in, get what he thinks you need and leave directly for the checkout counter.
I got tired of sitting here in the dark, so finally yesterday morning I decided to go to Big Lots shopping for lamps. Dad did walk around the funiature portion, where most of the lamps are located, telling me how he thought anything over $15 for a lamp was totally rediculous. The only lamp I would dream of putting into my house for under this price was a lamp, with a base that had statues of deer. It isn't as tacky as it probably sounds. We are now calling it a bambi lamp and putting it in my daughter's bedroom.
On to finding my lamp…
We looked around the rest of the store for something that was either A: not gaudy, B: not too light and cheaply made, or C: too expensive. Several times I found a lamp I liked sitting by itself only to be told that it was part of a really expensive 3-5 lamp set that couldn't be sold seperately. (jerks) I finally found a liveable one with an urn shaped base and and a fancy almost rectangular shaped shade, that seems to go well with the sage green and gold colors most of my living room consits of. This of course wasn't my first choice of colors when decorating, but one cant turn down a free mint condition vintage 50's sofa, even if it matches nothing. Maybe I should give away the rocker recliner in the living room and replace it with the gold crushed velvet rocking chair out of my bedroom. I have a feeling they will match rather well.
But anyway, back to shopping with Dad…
After finding my lamps, I wanted to browse the store for a few other odds and ends. (Big Lots is so good for that) Dad in his never-changing, I'm retired but in a hurry mode, began immediately trying to push me toward the checkout. If you listen to him talk, I had just bought lamps, but light bulbs could wait until another day, and weren't necessary at that moment, especially the frosted ones that go on my vanity in the bathroom, which he would never have dreamed of paying a dollar apiece for. Um, whatever dad…
I did in the aisles in between the light bulbs and the front counter, happen to find the cutest sunflower shaped picture frames, choosing the beige, cream, and copper colored ones over the yellow, as they were so much prettier. I do want to go back out and buy more of these if I get a chance before they are out of them. (Eventually I must photograph them, they are simply gorgeous) Amidst much prodding I finally did make it through the line, and much to Dad's dismay on to the next store.
I so love the Goodwill store on route 95 here in town. This is where the better quality donated items go to be sold. Walking in it looks just like a regular department store. Everything is neat and well organized, and I almost always can find real nice name brand stuff in there dirt cheap, and barely used. I got my daughter 3 designer outfits in there and myself a pair of new black sandals for under $20. those who feel they are too good to shop at Goodwill are really missing out!
From there is was on to the grocery store, Dad griping all the way. See, he does the shopping for my parents and grandparents, so we end up at "his" store. He immediately starts griping to me in the parking lot about how I need to make up my mind about everything I need to get so we can just get in and out of there. I thought his eyes were going to roll back into his head when I spotted the pattern of stoneware dishes I have had my eye on for almost 2 years, on sale almost half off. (To someone still using yard sale dishes, this is a big deal Dad) So I spent $20 on four full size dinner plates, and matching cereal bowls. My bills are paid, and I am well within my budget, so when he starts griping I just tell him to hush. I will keep collecting further pieces of the set bit by bit, hehe such a beautiful grape pattern. It is a bit more of a challenge finding plastic tumbler cups to coordinate, and they still don't quite match…everything seems very bright colored this year for some reason. I finally settled on four 16oz cups in bright green.
The rest of the grocery shopping went pretty much as expected, Dad telling me he thought I needed this, or didn't need that. He then begins loading down my cart with things HE wants, such as guinea pig food. He starts asking me why I'm buying sets of dishes when he thinks getting disposable would be so much cheaper for now…um, wah huh? Somehow through all of this my head does not explode, and we finally make it back to my house.
Putting everything away is no less of an adventure, welcome to the dad school of organizing. It may be my kitchen, but things must go where HE thinks they should go, or he will in no uncertain terms tell you your way is wrong. Rest assured, he believes you move at the pace of a constipated snail, because he is in a hurry to leave, so leave…but no he would rather continue to stand there complaining. I am not keeping you captive Dad…go…go…