isolation | Metal Angel

Tags

depression, family, isolation, kids, life, loneliness, marriage, parenting, winter

Cabin fever really gets to me. I have never been a fan of winter to begin with, at least not the cold part of winter that follows the holidays. I think I would be happiest if it would stay about 60-70 degrees out year round, sadly I don’t think a place like that exists, or I’d have already found a way to move there.

I know nowadays not many people know the joys of standing around at a cold bus stop, or trying to push a stroller through the snow, but that’s what it takes to get anywhere around here. This town is also very hilly, and sometimes I worry about a runaway stroller like in the old black and white movies if I don’t hang on tight enough.

I’ve heard stories about how winters used to be. I remember some pretty wild winters back when I was a kid, with blizzards with snow drifts as high as the second story. I remember seeing our white German shepherd jump off the porch to go potty, and my dad having a devil of a time finding her to dig her out of where the snow had swallowed her.

I remember the first year my oldest daughter and I moved back into the little cottage and that blizzard hit. We were quite literally snowed into our single story house, and seeing as someone had stolen my shovel, I had to dig us out with a koolaid pitcher, and trudge through hip deep snow to the neighbors house to borrow one.

Why are hard times so much harder to get over in the winter? Is it because we are stuck inside most of the time, and it’s so much harder to get out and take a simple walk to clear your mind? People stay close to home, and it’s hard to make friends, or find anyone to talk to.

It would be nice to find something to do here, and places to go. It would be nice to have friends I could talk to somewhere every day other than on a computer screen. It’s hard to start over somewhere where you don’t know anyone, when making new friends has never been your strong suit to begin with.

I do spend plenty of time with my little tye-dyed ball of sunshine, but I know John and I both could really use more adults to talk to than each other. I really long for the days when saying hi to someone got you more than a suspicious glare. It didn’t used to be like this. Sometimes I still wish the world hadn’t changed so much.

Tags

Boredom, family, isolation, life, mom, motherhood, parenting, winter

It’s been a sleepy kind of day around here. Not much has gone on, but a lot of snuggling with a little one on the sofa and watching videos.

The day began ambitiously enough. We had planned a trip to the library, and the grocery store, but in the end we decided to just spend the day in. John did the shopping later on in the evening after we managed to get the baby down for a good nap, and he did sleep most of the time he was gone.

The trick to getting Thor down for a nap is literally for me to sit and hold him the entire time he sleeps. Nothing will wake him up faster than trying to lay him down to sleep in his bassinet. This has always been the case with most babies I have known, all you have to do to make them wide awake is try to tuck them in to bed.

I’ve been thinking some more about things I would like to be doing, especially once Thor gets old enough where letting him play in the playpen for awhile won’t be such an issue. I have often thought of taking up sewing again, or maybe learning to knit. Both are things I could do here around the house, and maybe if I got to be any good, maybe make a little bit of money at eventually.

What I would really like to be able to do eventually is go back to school, at least a class or two at a time. As much as I like being here at home to watch the baby grow up, being a stay at home wife and mom doesn’t keep my brain very busy. I would like to learn some new things, and meet some new people, and school would at least get me out of the house and around others for a few hours a week.

I do keep meaning to make friends here, but between being rather shy and a bit socially awkward, and the fact that I really haven’t been here long, I don’t know where to begin. We do have one good friend here who lives about half an hour away, but we don’t get to hang out much, as he is usually rather busy. It’s hard to know where to begin looking to get to know people. It doesn’t seem as easy nowadays as it once was. Most people seem to keep to themselves for the most part, not just here but everywhere. I’ll admit, we are much the same. John and I are both homebodies, but we aren’t unfriendly.

Maybe I write so much of whats going on in my mind here, cause outside of the hubby I’m a bit lacking for adult conversation. I miss familiar places and having friends to hang around and do nothing with, even if I haven’t had that in a really long time. Don’t get me wrong, John is really good company, but just as he has things of his own to do, I need things of my own to do as well.

The question is…what?