anxiety, autism, family, kids, loneliness, motherhood, NaNoWriMo, partenting
Writing seems to have gone by the wayside for me yet again. It’s not all that unusual for me to do this now that the weather is warming up. Lots of people are doing the July round of Camp NaNoWriMo, but I haven’t signed up this time, because I know I have far too much going on in my life at the moment to really commit to it. Between Thor’s busy schedule, and starting physical therapy next week that is far overdue, I know my days are going to be full.
Now that the weather is nicer, I am trying to make more of an effort to get out of the house. This new house is actually fairly nice, but I still find myself wanting to run back the the old and familiar, especially when anxiety is getting the best of me. I go back and forth between loving and hating it here sometimes because of it. I think it’s mostly the nowhere to go, and no one to really talk to thing that’s getting to me. It’s hard trying to find a place to fit in here. I’m starting to wonder how long that is going to take, considering I didn’t make a single real friend in the 3 years we lived in the last place. I guess I should be more optimistic that maybe it will be different here. Maybe…
As you can tell by the photo, the little guy is getting tall, as in really tall. He’s 40 inches in height already and about 35 pounds. It looks like he is going to be tall and lanky just like his daddy. You have no idea how happy this makes me. I will be very happy if the weight issues I have always struggled with will pass him by. He is a good healthy eater though, and will pick veggies to eat over just about anything. Bell peppers and ground turkey sloppy joes are about his favorite things in the world right now.
I still haven’t gotten word about Whitney’s court date yet, but that’s mostly because there is paperwork to finish, and then a another big game of hurry up and wait, when it comes to getting a hearing arranged. I am hoping and praying that my ex decides to skip this hearing as he has so many others that have taken place over the years. He’s never really been that involved with her growing up, but he unfortunately is the sort of person that would be vindictive at the hearing just to spite me. If he can find an opening and a knife to twist in the wound he will do it. He is an ex for so many reasons I really don’t want to get into here.
I’m so nervous over this guardianship hearing it’s got me on eggshells. I’ve been waiting so many years for this day to come, that I am beside myself worrying that something is going to screw it up. If I can just get her home than all this hoping and praying, and pain of the these last 7 years will be worth it.
7 years without your baby girl, that’s a hell of a long time to lose, with anyone, much less a piece of your heart, that’s been ripped away, and kept just out of reach for far too long…