I don't know why I am still beating myself up so bad over this, but I've been so depressed since Sunday evening, and I just can't get it to shake. He called again this morning, chewing me out because of something someone told him I supposedly said. He was ranting and raving online about the fact that he is convinced I am trying to humiliate him and ruin his life.

     It isn't my fault that he spends half of his life trying to keep up appearances and the lies he leads. Everyone he comes in contact with only sees the version of him he wants them to see. His reputation is a product of carefully told lies and half truths, and a whole lot of manipulation. Nothing can crack that carefully constucted facade or he just instantly starts going insane. I honestly believe he lives in total fear of anyone ever discovering the truth of him. He has even so much stated, that he would rather die than face the humiliation of being found out for what he truly is. It seems to me as if his lies have now in a way, become his prison.

     Maybe in a way the open book that I am has spared me that kind of pain, even if it does open me to a different kind of hurt in other ways. Face it, Saturday I really messed it up bad.