Category Archives: Random Thoughts

The catch-all category

I wanna kitty

18 Friday Jan 2013

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Yes I know we already have two cats. I love them dearly. These cats are actually my husband’s cats that he has had for years, and they let me know it. I know it seems silly, but having these cats is still not the same as having a cat of my own.

Having lost my own cat, and the cat of his I got along best of all within the last year has made me really sad. Life is always better with cats around. Both the cats we have left are quite elderly, and I would like my son to have a kitty around that he can grow up with and have for years to come. It makes me sad that the cats we have now will probably both be gone by the time he’s school age.

I don’t want a fancy pedigree cat, and I would love to have a rescue cat. Some of the best cats I have ever had were ones I had taken in as strays. I’ve been watching the humane society site on and off waiting for the right time. The hard part of it all is going to be convincing the hubby. I think he’s hoping as time goes on that I’ll forget about it.

nope…

I wanna kitty!

Baby super glue

15 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by in Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Thoughts, Taterbug, Technical Difficulties

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The men in my life are not morning people

It’s another lazy winter day around here today. Thor still seems to be well into the clingy phase, which isn’t making getting housework done easy. He insists on having John and I both where he can see us at all times, or at least one of us.

John has noticed and pointed out something to me, that I never considered before. Thor tends to get upset if he sees you leave, but seems to take being separated better if you leave without him seeing you do it. We have no idea why this is so, or why he doesn’t seem to be dealing well with being left in a safe place like his crib or bassinet while we are working on housework across the room or just the next room over. One of us almost has to be holding him for the other to get anything done.

My older two children never really had this issue that I am aware of, but my youngest daughter did to a degree. Doing housework with her usually involved putting her in a snugli, or doing it while her father was available to keep her distracted.

We are hoping that this is just a phase that will pass as he gets a little older. Sometimes we don’t know whether it is better to let him cry it out or appease him. I know the parenting classes we took before he was born say that it is impossible to spoil a child at his age, but at the same time we don’t want him to become so overly attached to us that he doesn’t learn to calm himself at all.

Mostly I don’t understand the separation anxiety, other than the fact that he’s still too little to know that when we step away a moment that we are going to come back. He’s never been left alone even in his crib more than a few moments unless he’s been sound asleep, and even while he sleeps we are there in the same room with him in our own bed.

Sometimes I wonder if I should have been able to figure all this out by now, with him being the youngest of four. All I have learned is that every child is different. Sure, some things are a little easier, and I have quite a bit more patience than when my older children were small. They are all now grown, except for one teen that doesn’t live at home. It’s been strange to be suddenly starting all over again, just when the nest was emptying, but truth be told I’m really enjoying it.

I have my moment where I’m stressed out, and he’s crying, and nothing seems to be working, but I still wouldn’t trade anything for those baby smiles, and those little giggles he’s just started giving. I’m tired and worn out but every morning I still can’t wait to see those beautiful dark blue eyes, and those chubby cheeks.

For now the house is clean, but the clutter remains, toys, blankets and a host of other things we can’t seem to find a place for. Our basement is getting fuller, our closets runneth over…

Unseasonably warm with a chance of polar bears?

14 Monday Jan 2013

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John & Thor

It was really really super warm for January here today. We were able to keep the windows open all day, and even take the baby out for a walk without bundling him up in a snow suit, or wearing coats ourselves.

We didn’t go very far, just a few blocks up the road to the top of the hill. That was quite enough to wear me out, and if you know anything about the hills here in western Pennsylvania you know exactly why. Usually I don’t walk those big, steep hills on foot for just anyone, but I had a promise to keep to my grandma, that involved a certain box of candy bars.

We’ve been back on the sofa most of the evening, listening to the hubby play some nice sitar music for some friends on his weekly radio show. Thor got to play some with his polar bear puppet when the roommate came out to see him, and we thankfully finally got the batteries in his swing replaced, so hopefully it will go fast enough to keep him amused again.

I have no idea how long this warm spell is going to last, but it’s been nice. For now it’s time to try and get the baby off to sleep, which isn’t easy to do some nights. I think Thor is always worried he is going to miss something the moment he nods off. The good part is, that once he does finally decide to sleep he usually sleeps most of the night rather well for us. I hope this is another one of those good nights. I’m tired…today wore me out.

Can we talk?

12 Saturday Jan 2013

Posted by in Boredom, Daily Drivel, Evil Wizard, Random Thoughts, Taterbug

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I really really hate having a cold. I’m trying so hard not to get the baby sick, but it’s going to be difficult to take care of him and not pass this cold along. It seems this is the second time I’ve taken him to the doctor for a checkup and drug a cold home with me. It doesn’t seem to matter how careful I am not to sit too close to people, or to wash my hands when we get home, I still seem to always pick up some sort of bug while we are there. Ah the joys of parenthood.

Sometimes I think I would blog more if I thought much interesting happened. Now that it’s winter and we don’t get out much, not much of anything does happen everyday. My son is still so little that life seems to get lost in a blur of bottles, diaper changes and snuggling a baby that never seems to want to be put down. If John weren’t helping out with this “I must be held” stage I would be pulling my hair out.

Most days I feel like I don’t accomplish much of anything now. I take care of my son, and I may get a bit of cleaning done. I spend way too much time online, mostly reading, because there isn’t much else to do right now. Thor is still far too small to take him much of anywhere. With the coldest part of winter still to come around here, I doubt we will be going much of anywhere until it warms up this spring. It wouldn’t be so bad if we could afford a car, and trips outside didn’t involve pushing a stroller through the snow, which isn’t an easy feat considering the hilly terrain around here. Then again after Christmas is over, the rest of winter usually does blow monkey cheese.

Sometimes I wonder how John and I will make it through this winter without driving each other absolutely crazy. Money is so tight right now we are really limited on doing much of anything other couples might take for granted. We have no cable tv, have only been out to a movie once since we’ve been together, and going out to eat is a rare treat for the moment, unless he grabs sandwiches to go and brings them home for us to eat. (even that may happen only a couple of times a month right now) Spending over a hundred dollars a month at the laundromat is killing us, but everyone knows that babies go through some serious clothes.

For now there is more housework to be done, and I am being paged to come and help with it. John looks like he is fixing to curl up in the chair and go to sleep from boredom if I don’t get up to come and help him soon. I’d better get moving before he gets sucked into the universe of angry birds and nothing else gets accomplished today…

Insomnia

10 Thursday Jan 2013

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I should be sleeping…

I’m exhausted..

But I can’t shut my brain off after a very long day as much as I would love to be able to…

Maybe the events of the last week are still getting to me. I’ve been through quite a bit, an unexpected whirlwind out of state trip, my grandfather’s funeral, and dealing with even more things that were nowhere near my list of things I wanted to do anytime soon.

Today was also my son’s two month checkup, and his first round of vaccinations. He’s fine, mom is the one having anxiety issues over it all. I know the shots are necessary, but it’s scary nonetheless having to put him through all that. You’d think having been through it all before with older children would make me less nervous, but no. He’s still my baby, and I worry just as much about him as I did all the others when they were small.

There are just too many things running through my head for me to unwind. I know a lot of it is my anxiety talking. I’ve always had a problem with that. Sometimes I believe I am a natural born worrier. What if gets to me a lot more than it should.

Someone advised me long ago that when I was worried, that I should make a list of what all was worrying me, and then make another list of things in my power I can do to make it better. Maybe I should try that later on today, when my brain is a little more functional. At the moment I don’t see how it could hurt any, but for now I believe I may finally be getting tired enough that I may give trying to get to sleep another go.

Just in time for a diaper change and a feeding…

Sleepy New Year

01 Tuesday Jan 2013

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As I sit here writing I am the only one in the house awake. Hubby went back to sleep once I got up with the baby, and now Thor has gone down for a nap in his baby swing. I guess I am enjoying the peace and quiet, and taking the opportunity to relax, read, and drink some chocolate milk with breakfast. (yes I know this isn’t gonna make losing that post-baby weight any easier)

I wish I could say I’m tired because of some exciting new years eve reveling, but that would be a lie. I missed the stroke of midnight last night because I wasn’t even paying attention to the time. I didn’t notice the hour had passed until I heard fireworks outside. Where was I in the minutes leading up to midnight? In the shower. I guess I climbed out and made it to the living room after toweling off just in time to give the hubby a kiss. He was too busy watching youtube to notice it was getting close to midnight either. I guess we really are a pair.

I was going to make new years dinner for everyone here like my great-aunt used to do for us when I was a kid, but our friend’s daughter came down with the flu, and we sadly don’t have the crock pot, so I may be back to square one on what to make today. But darn it all, it’s new years and I want my sauerkraut.

As far as new years resolutions go, I haven’t made any, and presently don’t plan to. I think most of us would be better off making a list of small obtainable goals we would like to work toward, not making a once a year promise to ourselves that is way out of reach. Change things because you want to, not because you feel you have to join millions of others in declaring for the world to see a compulsory list of unreasonable expectations.

My goals for the moment are to be a good wife and mom, and to take a walk every day so I can stay healthy. I don’t think that sounds all that unreasonable. Sure there are other things I could be doing, but I’m no longer heaping things on myself that I would have to wait on others to help me accomplish. Doing so it setting yourself up for disappointment. You can only control the things you do have control of.

Do what you enjoy, try to find the humor in everything. Being able to laugh at even the rough stuff is what is going to keep you sane. That’s been much the case the last couple of years. No, optimism has never been my strong suit, and each new year is going to have its good days and its bad days.

The train has now left the station, laugh, smile, and enjoy the ride the best you can.

Baby Love

22 Saturday Dec 2012

Posted by in Chipmunk, Faith, Random Thoughts, Taterbug, Winnifrog

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It’s amazing how fast you can fall in love with babies. Thor has had me wrapped around his little finger since the second I first laid eyes on him. He surely has turned my world upside down, my world now revolves around him. Is he eating well? Is he warm enough? I must wake up half a dozen times a night sometimes just to check on him.

I know I’m blessed more than I can say to have him. Two years ago I never would have believed I’d be married now, or have another child. I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my grown-up life, even with the sadness that friends and family would know about. Only time will remedy that, hopefully sooner rather than later. Even after all this time I am still hoping and praying that someday my girls will come home and my family will be whole again.

For now I guess I will just enjoy the baby snuggles and smiles as long as I can. Babies don’t stay babies for long. As sleep deprived and frazzled as I can be, I also now know just how quickly these days slip away. I’m lucky enough to be given another chance to have them once again.

Enjoying it while it lasts…I love him so much.

December Again

03 Monday Dec 2012

Posted by in Holiday Thoughts, In Hindsight, Random Thoughts, Randomness, Utter Randomness, Winnifrog

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Time really flies when you’re not blogging. I keep meaning to write something here, but blogging hasn’t been in the forefront of my mind for quite some time. One reason is more than possibly that I have been spending a lot more time living life, and less time in front of a computer screen. Not having a computer of my own for several months due to a burglary kinda gave not getting around to posting a kick in the pants too.

But my oh my a lot can happen in just one year…

As sad as 2011 was for me, 2012 so far has been a vast improvement, but to explain things I guess I should start with the beginning of the year and work my way through.

John and I got engaged in the late summer/early fall of 2011, and thankfully he got the chance to meet my dad once before he passed away in December of last year. I will admit it’s hard being happy about the holiday season even now without dad here, but I have other things to be happy about now that make things a little better.

Not long after dad passed away I apparently got a little surprise in the form of an unexpected mid-life baby. John and I found out a bit after Valentine’s day. While I was really surprised, we were both extremely thrilled at the news, even nervous as I was to be going through it all again at my age.

A lot of this explains my absence, too busy with it all…well that and nausea that made me sick to my stomach to sit at the keys long.

The baby news did speed up our wedding plans a little, we got married in August in my grandparent’s living room with some family and a few friends there. I got lucky enough to have my beautiful now eighteen year old daughter as my maid of honor. Married life so far is as good as I could have hoped for. I’m very blessed to at last have a good man in my life.

Our Wedding

The pregnancy was mostly uneventful, except for the last week, when we went in and found out the baby was breech during our routine checkup. (don’t ask me how he managed to flip around that late) An unplanned c-section and a few weeks of recovering later, we are both doing well. My son is a beautiful and very intelligent baby. I love him so much already it is almost unbelievable. John is a wonderful dad and takes great care of both of us.

Our baby

So for once here’s a blog post without ranting or complaining, something I didn’t seem to be able to do for the longest time. Could it be that I am really happy for once in my life? I think so….it’s almost scary.

Still pushing buttons after all these years…

03 Wednesday Mar 2010

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How can love be one of your greatest strengths, and one of your worst weaknesses all at the same time? I am speaking of love in the double edged sense, that brings as much pain and sadness as it does happiness. What you thought that you wished for, only brings emptiness and more unanswered questions when it’s gone again.

I don’t know how he still manages to get to me, and why I cannot turn him away even when I should. I don’t know why I still care and still love him, when seeing him only shatters my heart to a thousand pieces all over again. Even after all this time, I suppose I miss things as they used to be, in a time before relationships, and all the drama that came with them, when he was my best friend, and we would talk and laugh for hours, and tell each other everything. Life got in the way, it wasn’t all his fault, any more than it was mine.

I have some regrets for things that have happened as of late, things that cannot be undone, things that must just be accepted for what they now are. I can only blame my heart again, a heart that wants so badly to show him a love I know deep inside that he will never be able to truly return. I can only let him go as far as he chooses to leave, hoping that one day he will finally let me slip away into distant memory, as much as I know it will break my heart again to see it happen. Until he lets go of the heartstrings I am bound by, each time he pulls me back close again, it just reopens all those wounds, that I hoped, and someday hope again will finally heal.

Be careful what you wish for…