I guess all that's happed is still bothering me this morning. I am now feeling like even more of a fool than ever. I guess when I actually saw him, I didn't have near the resolve that I wanted to believe that I did, and I'm angry and disappointed with myself for that. All I have to do is see his face still and I freaking melt, and the trouble is he knows it.

     I know he only came to please himself, somehow I doubt that missing me was really his motivation. Chaz does nothing without knowing that there is something in it for him. He knows all the buttons to push, and exactly what to say and do to have things go precisely his way. Nothing will ever be his fault, he is never wrong, and he is good at making sure everyone sees it that way. He is so good at twisting things his direction, and only telling half-truths, that I am not sure what people really think of me anymore. When he abandoned me, I never expected all our so-called friends to abandon me as well. it amazes me that he can lie, and cheat, and yet I was faithful, but they think he is a great person and I am the one who is worthless. I guess having that power must come with being famous, if he were anything but I don't think people would view him that way.