This town has a lot of ghosts, and I don't mean that in the literal sense. Everything I see, and everywhere I go, has some sort of memory connected to it. Even good memories can break your heart years later, when the person connected to them is gone.
I found my old journal from around the time I met Chaz online this morning. It was hard to read what I'd written and not feel like a fool. I'll admit I was crying like an idiot, re-reading each post, right before they were deleted. the memories are enough, I don't need anything else to remind me.
I've often envied those who find one another when they're young. Even when I hear them complain, sometimes I wish they knew that they have something of which I can only dream. It's so hard to have faith that God has someone in mind for me. Especially now that the person I loved more than anything, said he never loved me back, met someone else, and walked away.
I don't know where to go from here. every day seems the same now. I spend too much time on the net, and take a walk once in while. I see a lot of people on my walks, but none really talk to me. I have no friends other than those I chat with online. Its not much of a life, but its all I have at the present time.
It’ll get better Tina. The more time that passes the better i’ll get. This is like a wound to your emotions….your psyche….that has been opened up. It will take time to heal. But it will heal. O.K? I remember when my wife fucked that other guy and got pregnant….I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breathe when she told me. It took me years to get over it and move on. I am looking at her actions that night each day when I look at my daughter. You forgive but….you never forget. (sigh)